I'm free, I'm careless, I believe

this friday was the first ever convergence of old fun friday and new fun friday. things started a bit tense, but after we had properly jumped on each other things were fine. and only got better. yes, it was good. a more detailed report of the evening should be up on the secret lair sometime soon.

today, for me, consisted of alot of annoying coding. the family page I run for my mum's side of the family needed to be updated and my coding just wouldn't work. anding up having to go to frontpage help for help. how degrading. the solution was exactly what I had been doing, I really don't know what the problem was. and it wasn't helped by the fact that MERT had to restart every ten minute. stupid machine.

I found the neatest thing. it's a poem generator. it makes poems from words found on whatever website you enter in. so cool. here are some I liked that were made from my blog:

bit cuz he
can't begin Living twice at home for
a knack
for the principal and be just
dunno. why, the teardrop from your
dream
I
said it when I would most stimulating
thing I jinx myself for the
time
for me up
late but I
finished w/ my room and actually saw that
is not she has
off. oh, the amount of their children, by
two points. next
door would have
found out of course, of
just a bit cuz last few days

A bigger, clearer version w/
out to
their bases to
find what Kind of a few moments and
might get into a tomato I hit
her for
a look away... but it's thinking
that paint red acrylic paint,
nut I can be watching
more annoying animal. I want
in the door. they have, never be
some more. than that.
even then I doubt a
better part of millions of those music
first lets see... what goes
on my
keyboard accidentally.

paper I jinx it.
just a
little longer than two days oh, and
I
don't only by Quizilla bitter
while sad thing,
in another due
without food place sounds about nothing.
ever
but we lined up for me cuz
cares what they I'm
confused about my sister,
might get
something with the
day cleaning my work out or wrecking
the male companions as bad... for
that. can't find my house.

you...learn Your dream is the
most stimulating
thing in here, yeah,
if somehow. ah
well. Heaven forbid I love

that one of my
breakfast and the poison,
I have yet to be more than that.

I can't
remember I had love.

hmm. my foot is asleep. I hate that.

fine til I think of the problem

instead of talking about what annoys me right now, I will talk about the nice day I had yesterday. it was my parents' anniversary (21 years - their marriage is old enough to drink) so we went out to dinner. nothing fancy at all, just an old-fashioned fast food place with outdoor tables and mini-golf. we used to go there all the time when I was little, so this was great for me. what with my love of tradtion and retrogression and all. we ate outside by the mini-golf fountain, then went to the ice cream place next door and got ice cream. I got peanut butter, just like I used to. it was so nice to recapture childhood for a little while. so nice to just forget everything and pretend you are six again. everyone should try it.

here, have a quiz:



that's me all over. lol

relapses

I'm still feeling like a pretty poor excuse for a friend, not to mention beginning to question why this all had to be said. I... it... grr. I dunno. maybe I'm getting upset about nothing. I tend to dwell.

my school friend and I were discussing the pointlessness of our lives this morning in class. we're 19, have never had any sort of romantic relationships to speak of, the industry we are trying to get into is pretty much dead right now... she wants to be married by 25, I want to have children by 26... we better get a move on.

I'm watching a cbs special about looks. the usual - retouching, plastic surgery, losing weight. I think it is ridiculous the way they retouch people. certainly the people look pretty scary before retouching, but giving everyone the idea that they look so much better than they actually do is not cool at all. I'm kinda curious to see what they'd do to me. they'd prolly add a little weight.

nergh.

::not in the mood to think of a title::

all I wanted to do tonite was come online and read some hentai fanfiction. but instead I got pulled into a confrontation of sorts and now I am feeling really down about the whole thing. I feel guilty, I am an awful friend. that's all there is to it. awful awful awful.

convenient office hours

I successfully drove home from school today - without killing anyone or wrecking the car. yay me. I even went to the drive-thru. I didn't want to, but my mum made me. but it's all good.

I do, however, have some complaints about my fries. they're all either frozen or nasty and brown. grr.

I am back to having school every day. goody. it's nothing personal against my instructor, it's just that networking is not the most stimulating thing in the world.

my dog was just trying to eat a paper I painted on with the fake blood. strange animal. it was just scrap, I would have let her go if not for the acrylic paint in there.

I was up til, like, 3:30 last night looking for pics from the second inu yasha movie. apparently inu yasha and kagome finally kiss. I really want to see this. but alas, I have found nothing. *sigh*

my dog is still laying here on my bedroom floor. this is highly unusual. I wonder if it thundered when she was out earlier...

I shut the door on my leg when I was getting out of my car and now I have a lump. it hurts. I go sleep now.

whoa, so hot tonite.

nergh. my phone line kicked out sometime early this morning and thus I was unable to get online. all day. I felt like a prisoner in my own home. to top that off, my computer is acting up. it refuses to defragment, which would probably fix alot of the issues I am having with it. grr.

but no matter. I am online now, and the computer hasn't restarted itself yet.

this morning, my dad woke me up to tell me to listen for the dog. that she was outside sleeping and might want in at some point. as he left, I was a little annoyed. he wakes me up to tell me the dog might want in instead of just waking the dog up and bringing her in? the injustice.

did you know that cheese is made with the scrapings of baby cows' stomachs. yeah. they call it "rennet". how nasty. if only cheese wasn't one of my favorite things in the world I would stop eating it. but no.

here - a quiz I just took a few minutes ago:


Sephiroth

Who is your Final Fantasy match?
brought to you by Quizilla

mmmm, sephiroth... ::drools::

I am hungry.

sere is officially home. I have yet to see her, but it's nice to knw that I could if I wanted.

family game night was really amusing. we played catch phrase. I had never played before, but let me tell you something - I ownz at catch phrase. I pity the other team, cuz I can be fiercely competetive. but it's all good.

I stayed up til 4:30 thias morning watching tv, whcih is something that I rarely ever do. why waste time on tv when I cna be online? but anyway, I was flipping thru the channels and I happened to see jennifer lopez's new video. you know, the one based off that 80s movie. I was terrified by the size of her ass. I mean, really really scared. if this is somehow fashionble or sexy, then I don't want to be. good God.

I know this is a bit delayed, but I'd like to mention the incident with the dixie chicks and their comment about our president or whatever. now I generally don't like cvountry music very much. there are a few songs that I do like, and I tend to not advertise that fact. and I also like to make a big fuss about disliking it when my mum plays her dixie chicks cds even though I really don't mind them. but that's not my point. my point is that all these people who are refusing to buy/play their records and making such a big deal out of it are going against exactly what we are fighting this war for. the freedom for people (say, the dixie chicks) to say what they want about their country and not be persecuted for it. how hypocritical can you get?

looking back, that paragraph is not one of the most amazingly clear things I have written. but I think you can get the point out of it. almost.

violently territorial

ended up getting to see a bit of the male half of unisex fun night after all. we all went to dempsy's then went our separate ways. aurora and I worked on our project. phase one is well under way now.

I am curious as to whether sere will want to do anything tomorrow. cuz there's another fun-filled family game night scheduled, and I am wondering if I will be attending or not. hmm.

I am somewhat tired, though there is no logical explaination for it. I slept in until, like, 12:30 today. and had gone to bed around 3. that's over nine hours of sleep. actually, that's the explaination right there. ya get to much sleep and you just can't stop. I hate that. ah well.

just found out tonite that driving while sleep-deprived counts as DUI. that's jsut silly. I'd never be able to drive. well, I would have been able to today, but that doesn't happen very often.

I just realized I got a sign I was hoping for. wow. how often does that happen. this sign wasn't to make me do anything, just reassurance. wow. okay. here, have another quiz while I think on this:


Your Heart is Green

What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

...bitter bitter bitter... accurate except that I've never actually had love. but as a side note, I think jealousy can be quite lovely. ::fluffs hair:: bye now. {]; )

was watching more on the school shooting. no-one ever mentions the kid who did it. no-one feels bad for him, wonders what pushed him over the edge. it makes me so sad.

but lets not go on about that. instead, lets go on about... eh, I've got nothing. here, take a look at this nifty site. they sell fake food. how cool is that?

spent a large part of my day mixing fake blood. dunno why, the mood just struck me sometime during the mid afternoon. but we had no red food colouring, so I had to wait to finish it. my dad came home, found me at the kitchen table with a red mess in front of me. told him I was making blood and asked if he'd take me for food coloring, he assured me he would later. most parents would most likely be concerned to find what looked like murder scene in their kitchen, but no. when the food coloring was purchased, he helped me get it to the right consistancy. karo syrup and chocolate sauce worked well for that. there is such an odd assortment of stuff in the blood I mixed today, since I tried to make due without food coloring at first. lets see... water, chocolate sauce, catsup, red acrylic paint, red beet juice, karo syrup, maple syrup, flour, red sprinkles... I think that's it.

now I just gotta decide on something to do with it. thinking of making some bloody scenes and taking pictures, since I am currently experimenting with photography. I'd like to make a horror film, but I'd need more blood than I have right now. and a video camera. and a script. and people to act in it. so that's not happening right now. maybe later.

looks like aurora-chan and I will be male companion-less tomorrow night. it's a shame, what with this being our last sere-less friday. *sigh*

hmm. maybe they'd like to make a horror film. someday.

my hands are slightly red stained from to much fake blood. hehehehe.

survivor was awesome tonite. that was the greatest overthrow ever. ever. I want matt to win, cuz he's crazy. and with a machete no less. squee!

looks like it's time for another fun quiz result:

take the antisocial test.
and go to mewing.net. because laura's feeling social.

wow.

just turned on the tv and saw that there was a school shooting of sorts in york. of course it is just on local stations, cuz no-one cares what goes on around here. but anyway... some kid shot the principal and then himself in the cafeteria. they've got kids on who were actually there and actually saw it and they, for the mot part, seem generally unconcerned. the one boy looked rather excited by the event. we really have become desensitized, haven't we?

made me think of columbine which, due to the iraq business, no-one seemed to need to remember. was three years on sunday, I believe. wow. seems like alot longer ago than that. I remember I was eating oatmeal cookies and playing tomb raider when I first heard about it. turned on the news and saw that one student lying on the ground while others ran past... that was so disturbing. and though it seems to be an unpopular thing to do, I can't help but feel bad for the boys who performed this masacre. I wonder what is was that finally pushed them over the edge.

and after that, of course, was an outbreak of threats on various schools. our school had a bomb threat every year after that, except for last year. my dad always kept me home even though nothing ever happened. I prefer it that way. not only cuz a free day off is always good, but because I don't like the idea of having to be searched to enter my school. it just doesn't (didn't) seem right. our school also implemented what they called an "intruder drill" in which we lined up against the walls and locked the door. seemed kinda silly to me, to line up exectution style. if someone had a gun and was intent on shooting students, I doubt a locked door would stop them. just shoot out the window, unlock, and come in to find everyone neatly lined up for easy access.

maybe now that the school shooting threat has be renewed the school will go back to its yearly threats. it won't affect me any, but my sister might get the experience.

see if it can swim back in to the shore

I am so sick of having to get up in the morning. I mean, early in the morning. like 7:00. 10:00, fine. 7:00, bad. yergh. but there is no end to this torment in sight, due to my school's lack of summer break (or any break for that matter). and after that I'll have to get a job which I expect will be just as bad... where exactly in all this tiredness is my motivation?

and as far as I am concerned, 8:00 am is far too early to be doing binary equations. it's just so very uncool. class ran long today because they decided to film a video for the school, an advert type thing, in my class. not that I mind being on video, but I was very hungry.

I really want to see "a man apart" or "identity". or both. but if there's one thing I have learned in life, it is that everyone and everything is out to get me. so my odds of somehow getting something together and seeing said movie(s) is very slim. *sigh*

this entry seems rather negative, but it isn't meant that way. I'm not in a mood or anything. hmm. let's liven things up a bit with a quiz!

Tomato is what I taste like. I taste like nothing, except a tomato. I'm sometimes sweet and sometimes tart; sometimes juicy, sometimes crisp. The roles of a tomato are many and varied. I am an exception to all the rules. What Flavour Are You?

I do not like tomatoes, but the description sounds about right. I am an exception to all the rules.

how do you spell that? with an "e"?

"I Will Remember You" used to be just a sad song. now, after being associated with graduation, it has the ability to reduce me to tears. *sigh* it just says so much. there must be some way I can use all this emotion in an artistic way...

that stupid dog ate the remenants of my chocolate orange. I hit her some more. annoying animal. I think she has it out for me, I really do.

I had frightening dreams this afternoon. about death and destruction and the like. gotta love that. I am getting tired of this whole "bloody gruesome death" theme my dreams have taken on over the last few days. very tired. on the up side, though, one of these dreams took place over the course of millions of years, with evolution and dinosaurs and that whole deal even though I was only asleep for three hours. if only I could get my lucid dreams to seem that long.

something that irritates me - random sound effects every few beats in rap music. most recently I've heard a rap song with birds tweeting. a little while ago there was one with miscellaneous cooing baby noises. I can't remember any more off the top of my head, but I know they exist. and that's just out of the small sampling of rap I hear. I can't begin to imagine the amount of annoyingly out of place sounds that must be present in rap. sure, sound effects in songs are great. but only when used correctly. to emphasize a point - great. as a random break in the middle of a song - fantastic. but not as part of the beat itself. that just makes people want to tear their hair out of their heads. well, ot makes me want to tear my hear out of my head. and that's really all that matters. me.

we (the family) took a trip to the mall this evening. this is a big deal, considering the recent hermit-ism of my parents. and since they are just about my only source of transportation, it is nice to get out. or would be, if not for my sister's affinity for the Deb shop. full of (to use one of my father's current favorite words) skanky ghetto clothes, terrible music, young mothers who can't control their children, and preteens destined to become young mothers who can't control their children, this store is the stuff of nightmares. I try to avoid it at all costs, unless I can't find my size 0 l.e.i. jeans anywhere else (what can I say, they're all that fit). but anyway, while in there, britney spears' version of "I love rock and roll" came on the radio. good God why? my dad looked at me with a look of pain and horror and asked who was singing. when I told him he said, very loudly, "someone should kill her before she reproduces!" the looks on the faces of the preteen girls was almost worth having to listen to the abomination blaring over the loudspeaker.

just thought I'd share that. {]; )

today is already off to a pretty annoying start. woke up late but totally exhausted, tore my contact lense, the dog ate my breakfast and spilled my tea all over the floor, was late for school, had to come home and clean said spill... oi. I drifted off to sleep in class for a few moments and leaned on my keyboard accidentally. it, of course, made that loud beeping sound that irritated keyboards tend to make and scared me half to death.

networking. what to say about networking. it can be highly entertaining or terribly boring. today was somewhere in between in a category I'd call non-descript. nergh. no class tomorrow or friday, so that is cool.

took this test a few minutes ago. hee hee ->

Total Hentai

What Kind of a Hentai Yaoi Freak are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

tsk tsk... when did kyra become such a hentai... {]: D

late night at the 80s

eeep, speaking of the 80s... when I was flipping thru the channels today, I stumbled across a commercial on VH1. well, it was more one of those in between things they have, those "music first" adverts they run. it's this picture of a kitten with boy george hair and hat painted on singing "karma chameleon" while a picute of a chameleon dances next to it while alternating colours between red gold and green. at the harmonica parts, a picture of a white kitten with a harmonic pops up. it is one of the most frightening things I have ever seen. it's strangely mystifing, you just can't look away...

but anyway, it's over now. I talked to sere today, she is coming home on saturday. interesting tidbit of info, that is. well, I thought so anyway.

I had a dream last night, well this morning really, and it had really disturbed me. cuz I don't know what to make of it. I usually can figure these things out, but this... *sigh* I just dunno.

yergh, back to school tomorrow. I really hate this no vacation thing. I mean, I really don't like it. but there's not much I can do. I start networking III tomorrow. I'm confused about the schedule a bit, cuz we're only starting tuesday/thursday classes this week. but networking III runs every day instead of every other day. so does that mean we networking III people won't get the two days off? it better not. I want my vacation days!

oh, and I put some pics up on my deviantART page, if you care. some stuff that's not on my webpage and some stuff that is. saves me webspace, and that's a good thing.

all's well that ends well

that was one of my shortest bouts of miserablness yet to date. things went well after all. worked out the issues with the male companion in question and then the rest of the usual crew came over. we disturbed the peace a bit then rented Princess Mononoke. it was good (the movie and the evening).

the problems I have with the other party I mentioned, however, have yet to be addressed.

spent yesterday helping my parents clean and make easter food, hence my absense from the internet. shame I don't care for half the food we made. ah well, I like dinnre rolls and potato salad. and penaut butter and/or coconut eggs. mmm... ::drools::

hmm. seems sere should be coming home soon, but I dunno when. haven't talked to her for a while. sad thing, that. I wonder when she is getting in and whether or not she'll want to do something with us. *sigh*

I wanna be everything, except for your mistake

you know, you'd think life would com up with some new way to make me miserable rather than jsu repeating the same thing over and over again. I am just so sick of it. so very, very sick of it.

I really was expecting this, this backlash to make up for the fact that things had been going relatively well. Heaven forbid I enjoy myself for more than two weeks in a row. argh. so sick of this.

Would I be whining if I said I needed a hug?

I jinx myself by thinking that everything will work out after all. today started off on the wrong foot and has just gotten progressivly worse except for the lucid dream I had. forgot my books and my coat, had to go wandering all over the city in seach of a payphone, and had an argument (well he doesn't think it was an argument but I do) with one of the male companions - just take a guess which one. you know, I had hoped it would last a little longer than this. cuz, male companion aside, it seems that I am growing apart from a certain other party. I had hoped distance would not affect the friendship, but it seems I was just being idealistic.

and so I'll just sit here and be bitter while I to stop crying, lest my sister and father see these moments of my weakness. I should lock the door, they are bound to become suspicious.

if you gots the poison, I gots the remedy.

tonite we continues work on our easter treats here at my house. we coated the peanut butter eggs with chocolate and mixed up the coconut ones. mmm, so tasty. we were suggosed to dye eggs tonite, too, but we ran out of time before survivor. tomorrow will be busy.

*sigh* I gotta go to school tomorrow, even though everyone else in the world has off. oh, the unfairness. I should finish my final early, though, and then I can go home. and hopefully sleep, but I doubt it somehow. ah well. my daddy will be home for work tomorrow, and my sister, so we may end up running errands or something. and I can't stand to let them go and leave me at home sleeping. maybe we can go driving, too.

hoping the male companions, as aurora-chan so aptly named them, show up online tonite or tomorrow afternoon so we can work out plans of some sort. cuz last week was anice girls' night, but it would have been a better unisex night. that observation was also noted by aurora. she has a knack for wording, I must admit. and a way with analogies. she has spouted some of the best analogies I've ever heard. that reminds me, I gotta work on our project... but I don't feel like hooking up the scanner right now, so maybe tomorrow. maybe.

layout fixed

there, the layout is fixed. very boring, and the background will most likely eat your eyes, but ya know. I like it. it will do for now. has nothing to do with the song except that the song makes me think of april and madminton, since aurora-chan gave me the shrek soundtrack (which the song is on) to burn for myself after last year's first madminton match. but like I said, it will do for now.

God. in the fish.

today's unisex fun midweek madminton match was tres tres fun. the guys beat aurora, my sister, and I, but only by two points. next time, they are going down. after that, we were gonna paint nut I couldn't find my paint. so we tore up my room and went over to aurora's house where it was cooler.

it was hot today. like, 80-some degrees. and very sunny.

my mum, sister, and I started making peanut butter eggs for easter this evening. mmmmm... ::drools::

I am so very tired. no nap plus I was running around all day cleaning my house and finding my summer clothes and setting up the madminton net. the neighbors must have had alot of fun watching me set up that net, but prolly not as much fun as they had while watching me, aurora, and sere make our video back when sere was home. it took the better part of an hour for me to get that net up, and even then it wasn't up right. I just strung one end around a washline pole and the other end I stuck in The Traffic Cone. it served its purpose.

I am gluing my models to their bases. well, I am gluing the models and their bases to my hands and desk, but it's the thought that counts. now maybe I can find my paint and we can finally get something accomplished. but then again maybe not. cuz I have no idea where that paint is. no idea. we looked everywhere.

oh, so tired. so very very tired.

no school for me tomorrow, since I finished my final already. that's extra awesome. I can catch up on my sleep and stuff.

silent lucidity

Silent Lucidity
Queensryche

Hush now don't you cry
Wipe away the teardrop from your eye
You're lying safe in bed
It was all a bad dream
Spinning in your head
Your mind tricked you to feel the pain
Of someone close to you leaving the game of life
So here it is, another chance
Wide awake you face the day
Your dream is over...or has it just begun?

There's a place I like to hide
A doorway that I run through in the night
Relax child, you were there
It's a place where you will learn
To face your fears, retrace the tears
And ride the whims of your mind
Commanding in another world
Suddenly, you hear and see
This magic new dimension
I-will be watching over you
I-am gonna help you see it through
I-will protect you in the night
I-am smiling next to you...in silent lucidity

If you open your mind for me
You won't rely on open eyes to see
The walls you built within
Come tumbling down, and a new world will begin
Living twice at once you learn
Your safe from pain in the dream domain
A soul set free to fly
A round trip journey in your head
Master of illusion, can you realize
Your dream's alive, you can be the guide but..


I-will be watching over you
I-am gonna help you see it through
I-will protect you in the night
I-am smiling next to you...in silent lucidity

wow.

all I wanted

I am at school. I am finished w/ my work and thus have nothing to do so I am writing about nothing. that is always fun.

if things go according to plan aurora, thor, and vyler are coming over for madminton fun today. but I don't wanna jinx it. so there will be more about that if it happens.

I am needing a job so I can drive the car and so I have moneys. not that I don't have money now, but if I spend it, it will not come back. if I had a job, I could spend it and get more. that would be cool.

I did make a background for this blog. I just have to convert the filetype and upload it somewhere or another. due to extreme laziness this could take a few days, even though it will take me all of five minutes.

I want to see that movie "identity". the previews are very entertaining, not to mention the fact that the plot seems to have alot to do with strange coinciences - something I simply cannot get enough of.

argh, this is rather boring entry. I have nothing of interest to say. maybe I can find some internet quizes to busy myself with. oh, and there are some lyrics to a song I found yesterday that just made me stop and say "wow." which I wanna post here. yeah, that's what I'll do.

changes

hmmm. I don't feel like putting my intended pic here after all. but I love this blue colour, and this song so makes me think of april so I am gonna keep that much of it. I am just gonna throw something simple together and go with that instead. yeah.

new layout

mmmm, new layout...

nothing special, real simple layout, real simple theme. yeah, the pic isn't the best thing ever, but it's my first full digital pic complete w/ background so I'm somewhat proud of it. a bigger, clearer version w/out words will be up in my deviantART gallery soon, possibly even tonite. possibly.

isn't that a nifty blue-ish colour? squee!