_ _the thin line_

Sunday, July 13, 2003
11:19 p.m.

I'm back.

I had alot more fun than I expected. everyone meshed together well, I had a book to read, the weather was nice, the house was nice. we went crabbing and clamming and had a picnic.

I had a great time, in fact, up until we went to the boardwalk. I normally love the boardwalk, but it was jsut very hard for me. see, we used to go to the beach with my aunt and uncle and my two cousins. well, my uncle and one of my cousins were there, but wiht his new fiance and her boy. they are really cool nice people, but it was just a little painful when we hit the boardwalk. cuz we get there, and the moon (almost full) is shining on the ocean, the people are wandering around as they do, and all the old memories came flooding back. and it was weird because half of them were there, but things are som insanely different than they were then. and yet some things are still the same. but I wanted so much for it to be like it was, to be little, and to have the original crew there, and to just be so innocent as to everything that was going on. to have a squeaky crocodile bought at the 5 & 10 store be the neatest thing ever and to be able to think with my cousin (the one who wasn;t there) that the sailboats out on the water were actually shark fins. *sigh* all that combined with my general dislike of large crowds of people milling around and all the happy couples I saw and wanted to kill (bitter, bitter) made me just a little upset. I actually got all choked up. so I held my parents' hands and skipped a little, attempting to forget all these things. it worked, a little. bet I looked retarded, though. {]: )

then we went back to the house, but first stopped at the food lion for some pineapple juice for drinks. yeah, the adults all had drinks. they were very good. but the car ride home was very entertaining. I rode w/ my parents, my uncle, his fiance, and her son. they were acting as retarded as my friends and I do, actually. it was refreshing. assurance that just beccause I get older doesn't mean I have to act all... mature.

so yeah, I had a good time.

I heard that there was a pretty interesting entry up on the internet, but it is gone now. hmm. odd, isn't it?

but anyway... I dunno. I got sunburned, it doesn't feel very pleasant. stupid sun. and there was a tick on my pillow. a big one. eww. but it's gone now. and so am I. bye!

~I should be packing...~

Friday, July 11, 2003
03:49 p.m.

...but I'm not. instead I am here on the internet.

never bothered to nap today, am going on 3 hours of sleep. whee! I am hoping this will cause me to go to sleep at a decent hour tonite, which will hopefully continue throughout the weekend. my unusual sleeping habits tend to disturb my relatives.

I have been busy today, though. I am half packed, and I made two new pictures. chibi pictures. they are at the shy pudding website only for now, eventually I'll get them up on deviant art and maybe my page, if fateback ever gets back to me with my new page and whatnot. cuz I don't feel like updating my current page right now. needs too much work. but yeah, just scroll down to the bottom of the page and there are links right there. I'd link ya right to them, but you know how weird these places are about direct linking. or maybe you don't. no matter. just got there and click them yourself, you lazy thing. {]; )

la la la, am so caught between wide awake and about to fall asleep sitting up that it is not even funny. well, maybe it is. I think it is. but right now, everything is funny to me.

~so much hotness~

Friday, July 11, 2003
08:52 a.m.

geez! I just realized I never even mentioned that we went to see pirates of the caribbean!!! ack!

yeah, it was really, really good. I mean, it had everything a person could want in a movie - excellent graphics, a decent story, sword fighting, and a combination of orlando bloom and johnny depp! in fact, it has orlando bloom and johnny depp sword fighting. sich a combination! if they'd have been wearing long coats, I don't think I would have been able to watch. johnny depp's swishiness was almost too much to handle on its own.

yes, it is my opinion that pirates are equally sexy as elves and vampires.

I always wanted to be a pirate.

but yeah, I'm not gonna say much about the movie itself, cuz I don't wanna spoil anything for those who haven't seen it yet. so there ya have it. go see the movie, it is very sexy.

I am so at school.

~shy pudding~

Wednesday, July 9, 2003
03:21 a.m.

you know what the real test of friendship is? being able to spend insane amounts of time with someone and not get sick of them.

today was much more goodness than the last two days in that I was busy and, more importantly, not alone. I feel very bad for sere's poor car, though. so many miles in such a short time.

we bought some frames, then had lunch then went to visit vyler at work. then I had to go to an orthodontist appointment, but sere came along. then we went back to sere's to watch tarzan. the animated one. oh, and we called the turkey hill. interesting phone conversation there.... o.0 we somehow ended up back at turkey hill to see both vyler and magical mike who was now working also. when vyler got off of work, we headed back to my house then to denny's for dinner. I finally got my cheese-covered food. it's a good thing I am rich, let me tell you that. sere came back to my house then and we watched some adult swim and looked over my old sketches. all in all, a good day.

and tomorrow, well today actually, I have to go back to school. what a bummer. no offense to my instructor, mind you, I just like hanging out with my friends. wow, I have to leave for school in, like, four hours. that's funny.

I should prolly get to bed, considering. I pity my poor body, it has gotten used to actual uninterupted sleep. and a decent amount of it at that. except when I am sleeping with vyler and sere, but that's a different story all together...

yeah, I should go to bed.

~if you want to be happy...~

Monday, July 7, 2003
01:52 p.m.

I was thinking about a huge update at my website, but then I decided against it. why? because geocities has too many times annoyed me. I am now in the process of signing up for a fateback site. they have more space and no pop-up ads. so right there it sounds pretty good, ne? but the sign up info I am supposed to be receiving via email has yet to show up and I am getting rather impatient. if something got messed up in the sign up process, I am blaming it on my stupid aol which frequently refuses to fully load a page.

in other news, I am very bored. I also need to get up off this computer chair and vacuum, but I have til 2:45 to get that done.

hmm, sere's buddy info thing just popped up on my screen. what's up with that?

I really need to get a new layout here, regardless of the awesomeness of this one. it's been up for, like, three months now. I'm just having layout designer's block. and there's the extreme laziness. there's always that.

~make your everything all right~

Sunday, July 6, 2003
11:54 p.m.

hmm. what was happening when I left off? no matter, I suppose. community days is over, the fireworks were last night. we went up, of course. every year I go to community days repeatedly all week, and every year it kills me. because I have problems. but I am not the only one, it seems. and so it will continue.

I spoiled myself last week, what with being out every single day. now this one day of sitting at home seems like at least a week on its own. it's a shame.

I have to go to my aunt's house in delaware with my family this weekend. am having mixed feelings about it. I mean, hey, it's the beach. but I am going to be bored and miserable knowing my friends will be out doing things without me. bah. I do not much like this growing up thing. I feel like a bad daughter for being bored doing things I would have found great enjoyment in at age five. I just don't like it. but we shall see how things turn out.

and add to that having to constantly hear "oh my God, look how skinny she is," and "you should really start eating, Kyra," all weekend. and how about knowing that the people you are staying with think you are a complete bum with no future... fun atmosphere, I can only imagine. but hey, it's the beach. and I can get all retrogressive and pretend I am little again.

I have to go back to school this week. marvelous. I've been so enjoying my off time. so much. bah! and I've been sleeping so well... I fall asleep within minutes of going to bed rather than having to wait four or five hours. it's so nice. and it does wonders for my dreaming. wonders. not that that really matters, considering...

I wish I had something cheddary to eat.

~third arm~

Friday, July 4, 2003
02:39 a.m.

yup, been busy. my God, I have never had so many places to be in my life. it's funny cuz I am pretty much just sleeping and going out almost constantly. it makes me very happy.

went to see t3 yesterday. much goodness. and we had wings, also much goodness. and we played pool, more goodness. it was good.

today aurora had a picnic and we went up to "communist days" again. then back to aurora's for a while, then to...steve's. is anyone suprised? I didn't think so. actually sorta almost started painting, something that has been in the works since november. stunning. vyler won a lava lamp, we watched it for a great deal of time. too long, we are sad people who need lives. but not really. I'm pretty happy with the life I've got, for a little while.

I cannot find my pajama shirts, or my green bra. I do not know where they could possinly have gotten off to. they were laying on the floor, just like tons of other articles of my clothing. why did only those go missing? I do not know now what I should wear to sleep in.

I am so very hungry.

~wrote this letter in my head~

Wednesday, July 2, 2003
02:07 p.m.

wow, I just looked back at the last entry and can't believe I wrote it only three days ago. seems alot longer than that. I've been nusy. and at places that are not my house.

communitiy days started up, so I've been there every day. well, it's only been two days, but it's still every day. monday my sister had sere over. we played "crockette". then we decided to go out for lunch, taking my sister with us. mmm, lunch at chick-fil-a... ::drools:: to further train her for what her life will be like when she is my age, we also took her to turkey hill. she did not completely seem to understand the point of standing around up there, but she managed to behave like a regular pretty quickly. it was a short trip though. we went home and called aurora over and played some more "crockette".

we went to sere's before heading to community days, and decided we wanted vyler to come with us. but due to our mad fear of phones, we called up thor and had him call vyler. well, they both ended up coming. and we all ended up going back to steve's afterwards. I've talked to poor steve more over this past summer than I ever did in school, even though I had two classes with him for almost my whole high school career. ::feels bad::

the four of us (me, aurora, sere, and vyler) all ended up sleeping over at sere's, big shock there.

the next day we went to chinese with the guys, which was cool. but I was in a mood and did not enjoy it to it's full potential. then I went back to sere's and had a bit of a breakdown in her car. poor sere.

then we went to community days, where my mood increases again and I had a mini-breakdown at vyler. poor vyler.

but I calmed down then, cuz the need arose for me to act normal, and I was fine for the rest of the evening, which was spent - guess where - steve's! but I did end up sleeping in my own bed, by myself, for once.

sere and I started a new game while the guys were role-playing. it's a tally game. I'll be recording the results on the secret lair, or someone will. as well as the new nicknames.

ya know, one of the best things about hanging out with guys is the sound effects. they seem to have a never ending supply. and they've got a sound for everything. it is truely on of the greatest things ever.

I have developed something called "car hierarchy", dealing with who sits where when people are riding in the car. I am still fine-tuning it, but soon I shall have it up on the internet. sere has heard the base principles of it, and she agrees fully.

I am eating a frozen breakfast. it came in a bowl, I think it's Uncle Ben's. it is blueberry pancakes and bacon in syrup all mixed together. brilliant! I love bacon in syrup, and this bacon is saturated in the stuff. so I will go now, to finish my breakfast (yeah, I just got up. I only got 3 hours of sleep the night before, and four the night before that. I deserved it).

~less sense than most people.~

Monday, June 30, 2003
01:44 a.m.

fun friday ended up being quite alot of fun after all. friday in general did. sere and I spent most of the day traveling to wal-marts looking for a working photo machine and harassing vyler at work. she drew me up floor plans of her new house on a napkin. we discovered they provide individually wrapped packets of lemon juice at wal-mart's food court.

at some point I caught the SARS.

we acted like 9 year olds, going to playgrounds to swing, then went back to sere's to wait for someone to call us so we could be entertained. vyler did, and we went for food. after a brief (ha, we were out there for almost an hour) scuffle in the parking lot, we all headed out to steve's w/ vyler's pictures. there we actually almost sorta role-played with the guys. we're just that cool. many new nicknames were coined, but I'll get to those some other time, prolly at the secret lai. then of course vyler and I ended up staying over at sere's again, but who didn't see that coming? lol we actually got some sleep this time, more than usual anyway.

my SARS got progressivly worse. you should have heard me by morning... lol

we had a family game night at my house. I don't really remember much of it, I was pretty out of it when I was actually awake and not passed out on the sofa. it's funny how things turn out, in regards to some rekindling of old family friendships. don't ask, I'm just thinking out loud. well, not realy out loud, but you know what I mean. of course everyone had a good laugh at my deep, throaty voice compliments of the SARS.

however, that voice was alot better than what's going on today. now I just have no ability to speak anything remotly high pitched. anything. half my sentences are missing. my mouth is moving, but only oddly placed squeaks are coming out. it would be pretty entertaining if it weren't so dmaned annoying.

there was a whole bunch of stuff not going right for me the first half of the day, but I got over it. so it's all good. community days, the town faire type thing around my area, starts tomorrow. I am glad, cuz I love it, but sad cuz it signifies the middle of summer. and everything goes so fast after this. ::sniff:: if I could just freeze things I would be so much better off. sure it's not much of a life, and certainly not what I would have imagined myyself doing, but I am so very good right now. if it could just stay like this...

but I'd rather not htink like that right now. I'll just enjoy what I have now, get what I can while I can. see, I knew this attitude would be back as soon as sere came home. is this smart, to enjoy myself so much now only to be so devistated come fall? prolly not. but meh. meh and bah.

greatest combination of foods in the world? cheese, bacon, and potato. of course, we already knew this, but I have just been finding so many foods composed of just these three foods lately. it makes me so happy. and yet I still weigh only 92 lbs... how is this? who knows. but making actual foods with just these three foods together is as clever as the way they can green beans, carrots and potatoes together. those happen to be my three favorite vegetables, in fact preety much the only ones I will eat. how nice of them to put them all in one can for me...

wow. now I'm hungry. but I dunno what for. well, I do, but I teleport just yet and there are now smothered cheese fries at my house. *sigh*

I'm actually quite tired. and it's still so early... and very hot.

~...when you don't think about me~

Friday, June 27, 2003
01:49 a.m.

meh.

I have nothing remarkable to say at all, except that sere is home. thank God. she and I are going on an excursion tomorrow, which is good news for my sanity.

she, school, and an acquaintance (that doesn't seem to be spelled right) from high school are the only people outside my family I have had contact with since saturday. boy does that suck. ...oh, my mind is traveling off down that unhappy route it tends to travel down at night. bah.

tomorrow, well today really, is so-called fun friday. at this rate, it looks like sere and I will be the only ones involved. stupid people and their not coming on the internet-ness.

yes, I am hoping that sere has brought my enthusiasm home with her since, as I was telling her earlier, it seems to have run off somewhere. but such is life, I suppose. such is life.

wonder if I'll be able to get to sleep before 6:00 am today. prolly not.

did I mention I finished Jaws? it was good, but the ending really just trailed off. it's no wonder there were so many sequals to the movie. I wonder if any of them actually exsist in book form... I hav enow begun reading, appropriatly enough, Insomnia by stephen king. I actually had to stop and take a nap while reading it this afternoon. and it's not even a school day. tomorrow is, though. no nap for me. but it's either sleep or sanity. I think the right choice is quite clear.

check this out:

now you can see what it os like outside where I live. and where 99.9% of my readers live, all... 4(?) of them. I'll prolly move this to a side panel, eventually, but for now it stays here.

my nose is itching me something awful. and I keep sneezing. but not sick sneezing. just a very annoying tickle. stupid nose.

that's enough bored rambling for tonite. bye now.

~...right beside me~

Tuesday, June 24, 2003
11:52 p.m.

pretty much the same mood as yesterday. bah. still no contact w/ anyone. bah again.

my parents complain about the way I run my schedule, what with going to bed around 6:30 in the morning and sleeping til 4:00 in the afternoon. really, I don't see what the point of being awake is at all if I have nothing to do. I asked my mum why I should be awake, and the best she could come up with was "because it's daylight". bah. what kind of a reason is that? I'd rather be sleeping than wandering around aimlessly. when someone has a reason for me to be up, then they can wake me.

I noted that sere had been on. yesterday I think. and I missed it. cuz I was sleeping... well, okay. I'll take a break from sleeping between 12:00 and 2:00 in the afternoon. that will work. yes.

I am thirsty. but it is so late to be getting another coke out. I'll never have it done before I go to bed.

crap, I have school tomorrow. I'm never gonna be able to get to sleep in time to wake up. argh. I think tomorrow I will not nap in an effort to be able to get to sleep at night. or maybe I will just not sleep on thursday. then I will be able to get to sleep for class on friday... or maybe I just don't care at all!!! bet I'll go for that option.

I closed my bedroom door, cuz that's what I do at night, and now it is getting really hot in here. but I don't like having my door open. ::sniff:: and I hardly have any clothes on mow to take off.

hmm. I typed alot of that last paragraph without looking at the keyboard. and this one. wow. that's amazing. you'd expect I could type without looking, wouldn't you? but no, I cannot.

it appears I am rambling again, due to extreme boredom. I think I'll go read now. I only have about half of Jaws left. then I have no idea what I'll read. I already finished one book this week. and it is only tuesday. well, no, now it is wednesday. what a waste of half a week this has been. and still is. bye now.

~in them you are always standing~

Tuesday, June 24, 2003
03:29 a.m.

sere is away, and no-one else feels the need to come on the internet. which is understandable, since they all, I'm sure, have many fun things to be doing. and people to be doing said fun things with them. but not me. so I shall sit here and complain to my blog, which is to say myself.

[paragraph removed for allowing too much insight into the inner workings of the empress]

[paragraph removed for allowing too much insight into the inner workings of the empress]

so here I sit, eating oreos, downloading music, and reading. such a fun and exciting life I lead. at least my parents finally put in the air conditioner because - amazingly enough - it has actually become warm again. how we can go from 63 degrees to 93 in one day is beyond my comprehension.

I'd like to go to bed, but I am not tired, really. it's a shame.

~vice city or mountain~

Sunday, June 22, 2003
10:15 p.m.

argh, I am so tired. see, as of late I have been having a problem falling asleep before, say, 6:00 am. this, as you can probably imagine, causes alot of problems. so last night was no different. but today I had to wake up for church, giving me about 3.5 hours of sleep. generally this would not be an issue, I'd just sleep all afternoon. but no. as anyone who has been in my room recently can tell you, I have been over-run with ants. so today I cleaned. everything. I took everything out of everywhere, wiped it off, vacuumed, and put it back. this took about 7 hours. I am dead. but my room is clean, though I am still smashing ants. my mum assures me they will be gone soon. they had better be.

yesterday I didn't get dressed until 10:00 at night, thus proving my schedule really has been flipped around. we (sere and I) went to see the guys, who are all safely home. and very tired. lol

friday I got a little talking gollum action figure. he's perched nicely on top of my computer. I think he likes it there, in spite of all the falling off he does.

my sister somehow rigged up the old sega genesis, so we've been playing that whenever we're not out or sleeping. nothing like old school gaming. we're going thru sonic 2, since we never actually beat it. we got thru to the last level, and then had no idea what to do. but not this time. this time we will triumph. mwahahahaha.

yeah, did I mention I am really really tired?

~feel good time <--sarcasm~

Wednesday, June 18, 2003
07:30 p.m.

oi, I feel so unloved. I am sitting at home by myself and there's not even anyone online to harass. I am so sad. and I am not even worthy of a "good bye" it seems. ::cries::

had a lucid dream, which was good, but woke up too early yet again. argh!

in my boredom, I am playing this cute little copter game. I think it's been floating around the internet for a while now, but this is the first I ever bothered to check it out. my high score so far is 1388. I do not know if this is good, bad, or average. I'm gonna go with good just cuz it's me.

I really do wish someone would come online. well namely two particular someones, but I'm not gonna get picky. looks like I'm gonna soon have to start calling people or something. yeah right, that's gonna happen. more likely I'll just cry and be bored and feel sorry for myself. that is always a good time. bah.

~crip, he's a crapple!~

Tuesday, June 17, 2003
10:25 p.m.

*yawns* good morning, or something. just woke up a bit ago. have been continuing my trend of just not coming how at night. sere's mum suggested I leave a toothbrush at their house for convenience. I think I will start carrying one in my purse.

yeah, I've been out alot in the last couple of days. and early. so obviously sleep was what had to be cut from my schedule. it's such a good thing I cut my hours at school or they would have been missing me again today. bah, school. I have priorities, hanging out with friends much more important than education. but I think I have explained this theory before, so I won't go into it.

in other news, I don't like sleeping by myself much anymore. it so much more cozy when there are other people with you, ya know? I wonder if I can hire my friends to come sleep in my bed... ::strokes chin thoughtfully::

nergh, I've got to go to school tomorrow. first day of c++. I had been looking forward to it, but now I'd much rather be having vacation. what a ~~suprize~~ surprise (thanks to thor for helping a poor sleep deprived friend spell).

we had quite some good times, but I think sere is gonna take care of recording them. ::pokes sere w/ stick::

it is rainy and cold again. I am not going to complain. I will just shut the window and put my sweatshirt on and be happy I am not baking to death.

music videos scare me alot, I've decided. we were watching them last night/this morning, and there are many many people wearing clothes they shouldn't even be aloud to look at. sere and I felt the need to criticize everything. we should have our own show. and vyler observed that I sure don't like alot of people, based on everyone I said should be put out of their misery as we watched. there's a revelation. lol

can you tell I have nothing of value to say, what with the way I keep coming up with little spirts about nothing? it's a talent.

in response (sorta) to sere posting a theme song, I thought I'd put up one of my endless supply of theme songs. anyone who has listened to the radio with me for any amount of time knows I have a whole ton of theme songs. so here is one:


It's About Time 
Lillix 

It's about life
It's about fun

I hate you, I love you
I just can't remember to forget you
Who are you, who needs you?
You make me feel alive, I die, so high
I'm crawling on the ground and
I have found I can fly

One of these days it all comes together
One of those days that goes on forever
Think I sound crazy? Maybe, whatever
What’s it all about?

Chorus:
It’s about life, it’s about fun
It’s over before it has begun
It’s about you, it’s about me
It’s about everything between and I say
I'm saying goodbye to you, I say hi to you with no clue
It’s about time that I
Make up my mind 

It’s simple, confusing, the truth is I'm winning but I'm losing
And pulling and pushing, won't do me any good
It could, it should
I'm honest to myself that the truth is I lied 

One of these days it all comes together
One of those days that goes on forever
Think I sound crazy? Maybe, whatever
What’s it all about? 

It’s about life, it’s about fun
It’s over before it has begun
It’s about you, it’s about me
It’s about everything between and I say
I'm saying goodbye to you, I say hi to you with no clue
It’s about time that I
Make up my mind 

Time is creeping behind me, surrounding around me
Fading the words so desperately
Now give me a reason that I can believe in
Time is something you can't rewind 
One of these days it all comes together
One of those days that goes on forever
Think I sound crazy? Maybe, whatever
What’s it all about? 

It’s about life, it’s about fun
It’s over before it has begun
It’s about you, it’s about me
It’s about everything between and I say
I'm saying goodbye to you, I say hi to you with no clue
It’s about time that I
Make up my mind

more to come, I'm sure.

I can't think of any more nothing to ramble on about. maybe later.

~...colour me white.~

Saturday, June 14, 2003
11:50 p.m.

I am happier with the situation that had been going on, though only time will tell if things are really resolved. until then, I will live happily in the thought that they are.

let's see, where did I leave off... ah yes. thursday. thursday I was convinced someone (namely vyler) was dead for reasons I will not go into. so when sere called to apologize for the incident on tuesday (or monday, whenever it was) and to ask if I wanted to come to her sohuse that evening, I was certain she was going to tell me the bad news. but she had no bad news for me. I went father's day shopping with my mum and sister, fought with my sister, and then went to sere's. we played sims for a while, then went online to look at... stuff. there was much cleaning of pet excretion. then vyler (who was obviously not dead) came online and we had him join us. then... yeah. it was really really hot. we all ended up falling asleep on sere's couch.

later that day (friday), we collecte dvyler form his place of employment and headed back to my place for some casserole. kim camke, and the casserole was served. not quite as flaming as I had been expecting, though. I got rather loud myself, thuogh. as I said earlier, things appear to be resolved, so we went for food. sere and I went back to my house where we pretty much collapsed due to lack of sleep.

that's pretty much went on with that since the last entry. in other news, my monitor has been being weird. it has been slowly sliding the display down off the screen, as I may have mentioned before. but friday it lost my entire task bar, so I was pretty much out of luck. I bought a new, much smaller monitor at cash converters, whici worked fine at first. then when I tried to upload pics, the whole thing started... well I don't even know how to describe it. so I took it in the living room to see if it worked with the living room computer, and it did. just fine. so I ahd my mum call My Computer Guy. he said to try uninstalling the monitor software and reinstalling it. I had no idea how to go about this, since the whole screen was too screwed up for me to see much of anything. so I figured I'd hook the original monitor back up . sure, I had no start bar, but I could just use the start key on my keyboard to bring it up, then I could fix the setting s from there and put the new monitor back on. well when put old monitor back on, the picture was off the screen in a completely different direction. so I played witht the screen fixing buttins, and they worked !!! even the "down" screen button which had refused to work for months. so now my big, old monitor is working fine except for the occasional flicker. the software for the new monitor refuses to uninstall, but I don't want to mess with it. I prefer my old monitor anyway, it is so much bigger. but as I type, my monitor is on the florr. and my keyboard is on the table. so yeah, this is kinda weird, typing to nothing. but at least it's all working, and that is all that matters. so please excuse any odd spelling mistakes, I am not able to see my screen and type at the same time.

so all in all things have been good, except that I am out 25$. bah. but its' a small price to pay.

~{]X P~

Thursday, June 12, 2003
12:04 a.m.

I'm not really any happier about the current situation, but in an effort to distract myself I am going to post some links. the first, found here, is a ghost in the jar site. it contains a bunch of ghost in the jar links. I dunno, it amuses me.

the second is an article. it has to do with "finding nemo" and sewage treatment. the quote " 'In truth, no one would ever find Nemo and the movie would be called "Grinding Nemo," ' " is simply one of the greatest things I have ever read. though if I were a small child, it would probably have traumatized me greatly.

it is very hot, I am already sorry for complaining about the cold weather. I am, in fact, typing this entry shirtless. if that doesn't give you a fun mental image, I don't know what will.

I have a field trip tomorrow with school. I hope it is air conditioned where we are going. it's an office, it should be. right?

I dunno. meh, posted links and am still irritated. oh well, I tried.

~AHHHHHH!!!! ::kills people w/ bricks::~

Tuesday, June 10, 2003
02:49 p.m.

oh, look at that. it's my nap time. and yet, I seem to be awake. why is this? oh, I know! it's because my sister has half her graduating class sitting on my back patio. this house has, like, paper-thin walls. they might as we be sitting on my bed shouting in my ear.

I was gonna put some music on to drown them out, but then I realized that with some of the friends she's got I'd have to play a continuous fucking foghorn. I won't mention any names, I'll just say my sister has a drawing of her up at her deviantART page. which I now suggets you don't visit. don't give her views. don't give her anything.

and then we've got her "boyfriend" saying I scare him. he should be more scared then he prolly is. touch my sister, I'll touch you. I'll "touch" you on the back of the head. with a metal pole. trust me, it's been done before.

she served them drinks. I hear "okay, who wants a coke?" echoing from the basement. why does she think I left the coke in the basement instead of putting them in the fridge where they'd be nice and cold? was it becasue I like luke-warm soda? no. it was because don't like people having their annoying friends over to drink a sip out of a whole can of my precious soda and being done. then I am out a whole soda and I have to pour so much of my lifeblood down the drain. I mean, anyone who's been to my house knows that generally we have fake coke. as in the store brand stuff. which is fine, it will do. but on the rare occassion I get real coke, I'll be damned if I'm gonna let a bunch morons waste it all.

so here I sit, waiting til 4:00 when they will all be gone. then I can go to sleep. until then, I will plot ways to make my sister's life hell for a few days over this little incident while I listen to a chorus of "OMG, he didn't!!!!!!!" "he so did!!!!!!"

I mean, sure my friends and I can be loud sometimes. but when it really matters, we can be quiet enough that no-one realises we are there. really, we can. sere and vyler know this especially. but not anymore. next time we are over here late at night, I think we'll sit right under my sister's window and loudly... well, I dunno what, but it will be loud.

...it's a good thing she doesn't read this blog.

~you have my sympathy cuz you're never gonna leave this town~

Tuesday, June 10, 2003
12:48 a.m.

I am so hungry for fried cheddar cheese cubes it's not even funny. but alas.

are any of you, my blog readers, aware of the "ghost in a jar" phenomenon occuring on ebay? go to ebay and type ghost jar in as a search. you will be amazed. see, this guy sold a jar he allegedly found in a cemetary that supposedly contained a ghost. it got mad bidz and went for thousands of dollars. so now everyone is jumping on the "ghost in a jar" bandwagon. I am no exception. go to my DA site and see my cute little ghost in a jar animated gif.

recently, in a chat with vyler and sere, the idea of a portable stripping pole was brought up. well, it turns out such a thing really exists. I could not be happier. if I had 250$ I would so buy one, regardless of the fact that my mum says I can't have one. it's portable, I'll just pack it up in its little case and put it under the bed when she comes in my room. sere and I were thinking of ways to raise money for the "get kyra a stripping pole" fund. the ideas of a car wash and a bake sale came up. sere's gonna make the signs.

a year ago today I was at senior week. hmm. odd thougt, that. it's funny how some things are so different and others are the same.

I am very bored.

I wish my summer schedule started this week instead of next week. I dun feel like getting up tomorrow. I was supposed to have two days off this week, did I mention that? but nooooo... bah.

go look at my sister's deviantART site. make her feel special by upping her views. I have her convinced she's got mono... long story.

ta for now.

~broken and tainted~

Saturday, June 7, 2003
10:36 p.m.

I am pretty much through with my mood for the time being. got it arranged so I only have one class two days a week for the summer so I'll have 3 days off to sleep and whatnot. it got sunny for a few days, too, so that helped.

and last night was a great deal of good. we played some madminton, saw "the italian job" (good movie), went for food, and... yeah. those who were there know what I'm talking about. hence the title.

today a bunch of the old crew from high school went out for breakfast. we spent longer talking in the parking lot than we did eating. and then of course we couldn't go home past the turkey hill without stopping in for a visit. we'll become regulars yet, sere and I.

other than that I've been doing alot of sleeping. and I'm still tired. oi.

oh, the movie. it was alot better than I expected. and different. it was not at all what I thought it was gonna be. I suggest everyone go see it. right now. well, right after you finish reading this blog.

while we're on movies, I'd like to give my thoughts on the matrix reloaded. like every other blog has had a go at it so I want a turn. in general, I liked it alot. but that isn't really anything to go on. it has long coats and nifty fight scenes, so of course it is good with me. and I don't have a problem with the storyline in itself, either, like everyone else seems to. I don't personally like how they kept shoving the neo and trinity thing in my face. I went to this movie expecting action, not reason to become more bitter. I did not have a problem with the fight scenes, they seemed well enough thought out and I thought the meshed quite well with the plot. I also really liked the tribal zion idea. but I'm just really into that whole tribal thing, so I may be a little bias. I mean it was a great combination of two of my favorite post-apocolyptic worlds - tribal and grungy tech. simply beautiful. that whole mass dance scene was one of my favorite parts if the movie. I wasn't too keen on the ending, if the thrid installment wasn't coming out as soon as it is I would be so ticked off.

I'll be done with that review now. oi! smeagol on the mtv movie awards! best thing I've ever seen! the matrix opening to the awards was good too. the ta tu performance was entertaining, if a little frightening. I'm just not into that whole yuri thing. but it was good. when hilary duff and amanda bynes (or however you spell their names) were on stage I was so hoping a stray missle would hit and I would be rid of two of my lease favorite "celebrities", but no such luck. ah well, maybe next time.

I am about done. but first, a link for you. How Much Is Inside it calls itself. I dunno if I've linked it here before yet, but it doesn't really matter. it's here now and you should check it out. the concept is as simple as the title. eh, just go see for yourself. oh, and here, have this quiz result:

You are a pheonix.
What legend are you?. Take the Legendary Being Quiz by Paradox
this one has been hiding from me in my long list of quiz results. but I found it.

bye now.

~I could use a shot your novocain~

Thursday, June 5, 2003
12:26 a.m.

I expected I'd be over this thing today, but I'm not. hmm. quite unfortunate. still as hopeless as I was yesterday.

wow, it's the 5th. that means it's been a year since I graduated. ouch. that might have something to do with this, maybe. I dunno. I am making a cd of songs that were popular towards the end of senior year. this is not to be confused with my "depressing senior cd" which is full of songs that make me think of graduation. this on is shaping up to be just as depressing though. just how I like it. music really does influence one's mood. it's a good thing I haven't broken out the graduation pictures.

I'm alreay caught up with what we did in class yesterday - I took a day, by the way. we did a review and all is well. at least as far as me knowing what is going on. the stupid computer hates me still, but I think it's partially my own fault.

I have too many songs on MERT right now, I've only got 2.9 gb left on my hard drive. ::shudders:: gotta get those off of there.

it's all just a long good-bye.

...a year, and it's happening again...

~cuz it's getting harder and harder to breathe~

Tuesday, June 3, 2003
07:13 p.m.

I am about to whine and feel sorry for myself. please move on. you've been warned.

***

I was at dinner tonite trying to come up with a plan for the summer. cuz after taking the day off from school today I realized I really miss this. the whole summer vacation thing. being able to sleep until 11:30, roll out of bed and go run around w/ sere. it was so nice to not be tired. so nice to not have to be up at 6:45 in the morning, have to dress nice. not have to do anything at all. and I think I should have this last summer.

and that brings me to what really got me, this last summer. after this summer, I realize, my life will be pretty much over. again. cuz after this, sere's not coming back. well for visits, but not for any extended amount of time. so next summer will be just like the rest of the year - activity limited to fridays, and even then it's iffy. and that's just the start of it. cuz everyone will eventually be dorming, as I understand it, or at least moving nearer their schools. not that there are many "everyones". I have a core of about four people. after sere there is three. and once they are gone I have nothing. nothing.

think about it. I don't make friends quickly. so right there, that slows things down. not alot of people my age go to my school, and it is a very small school. I talk to one person there, and we do not associate outside of class. a feel a job would probably be the same way. people already have established friends. there's no need for me.

and a job brings me to the point that I have no prospects, as I've mentioned before. due to this lack of social contact, I think it is obvious the chances of me ever having any boyfriend/husband. and if I have neither of those, I'll never be moving out. cuz I can't live by myself, it just won't happen. and I'm told the programming industry is pretty well full, so there goes that too. I've never had a job to this point, so no stores want to hire me. so that brings me to the nothing. which, if you'll note my points, is exactly what I have. let's go over it together, shall we? no friends + no significant other + no job = no future.

it was said to me "look at all that has happened in the last 7 years" (in 7 years I'll be 26, the oldest I want to be if I'm gonna have kids). this was an almost valid point. almost. but in the last 7 years I moved - won't be doing that again. I went from middle school to high school - won't be doing that again. the only reason anything changed in that time was because of the friends I have now, pretty much. and I think we've already been over that one. so no, nothing will be different. I will be here, doing nothing but wondering what the point of it all is.

I am so stuck and lost and alone.

***

wasn't that fun? and the best part is that it's true. I am very glad for this blog right now, cuz it's pointless to talk about this with anyone. they'll just say that alot can change in a few years. some will even feel bad for me. but I don't want sympathy, I want someone to fix it. and I doubt that is gonna happen.

~random sex~

Monday, June 2, 2003
10:49 p.m.

...don't ask.

my computer just restarted itself and I lost my previous attempt at a post. I will try and match it as closly as possible.

yesterday was what, sunday? that soundss about right. I slept for upwards of 15 hours. yeah. I suppose that adds up about right, though, to make up for all the hours I missed.

today sere and I went around, as we tend to do. we dropped off her job application and had some lunch. tehn we went to the craft store. they were having a sale that amused sere and I greatly. then we went home and made a card for poor aurora-chan. we dropped it off (long trip all the way across the street), and chatted w/ her for a while. we were careful to keep our distance.

I went thru my box of mix tapes today, since I haven't updated my list of songs since... well last year at this time it seems. yeah, ocd me has an excel spreadsheet of all my tapes with all the songs, what tape they are on, what rating I give them, and how many times I have them on tape. eventually I plan to have an artist column also, but that will be quite an undertaking.

I am very hungry. unfortunatly what I am hungry for is not here. I want what I had for dinner, which was (well part of it was) potato pieces in cheese sauce with bacon. pure genius to mix three of my favorite foods all together in one convenient to heat dish. but alas, it is all gone. ::cries::

~::is sleeping::~

Sunday, June 1, 2003
12:06 a.m.

oi, I should so be asleep right now. have been up much too long. didn't really nap friday, cuz I went shopping w/ were in the afternoon. and I'd only gotten about 3 hours of sleep the night before. then I was out till 5:10 in the morning, only to get up and go on a train ride w/ my parents and sister at 7:00. I slept sporadically throughout the day, about a total of three hours, if I'm lucky. so that's a total of, what, 6 hours in the last two days? I am so cool.

we had a family game nite tonite, too. I was less than awake, but my team won anyway. I would elaborate on all this, but I am not able t string words together very legibly at this point. nor am I able to spell. so if you were there, you remember what went on. if you weren't... it's a shame. it's kind a a funny story, almost.

~6$ off regualr admission~

Wednesday, May 28, 2003
10:23 p.m.

it's been a few days. I've been catching up on my sleep. so sue me.

there was a bunch of things I wanted to talk about today, but htey all have run out of my head. so I will just ramble for a while, hoping they return.

my computer is dying, dunno if I meantioned that. well, the screen anyway. whenever the screensaver goes on, or any time at random, the screen image shifts and I lose the right and bottom of my visual. this is highly annoying. I was hoping it was my video card, since my computer has eaten thru a few of those already, but no. it's the monitor. of course it's the monitor, a video card would have been the cheaper option. my instructor said he didn't realize monitors this old still worked with computers today. how very reassuring. this is going to be quite a problem, due to my lack of employment. cuz I'm not just gonna go buy some cheap little screen. that's rather pointless, since I intend to get a nice screen when I come into some money (however I manage to do that). so now I have to decide if I just keep fixing the screen every few minutes and hope I don't go insane, or I go buy a nice big plasma screen and thus use up my entire savings account. decisions, decisions...

I did fill out an application yesterday. at the library. this would be ideal, since I love it there and have spent a substancial amount of time there. but I doubt the library hiring people will be impressed by my very empty application. can I help it I have no previous job experience? no, I cannot. what's done (or in this case not done) is done, and there's nothing I can do to help it now.

I went driving today with my mum. went over 45 mph, which is an adventure for me. it's becoming less frightening and more exciting, though I'm not sure that's a good thing. oh well.

we started, as I mentioned previously, working with linux in networking IV. I am much liking this. so much more customizable. and I'm all aboout customizing. all about it.

I can't believe it is almost june already. it's almost a year since graduation. it's just amazing to think of, really. and painful. so I'll stop thinking about it. I'll just resist the temptation to take out all those senior year pictures and I will move on. ::pries hands off stack of photos::

I think, according to the weather channel website, it is supposed to get warm. I think. it's supposed to stay rainy, but at least it will be over 50. that is a good thing to hear. they keep having all these commercials on for central air, with these people all sweaty in their kitchen saying "how can it be this hot so early?", and I keep thinking what a terrible ad policy this is. if the general poplualtion is anything like me (which, I have noticed, they usually aren't), they are slightly envious of the people on the tv. now, I am in no way saying I want it to be 98 degrees outside, but I would like to be able to go out and play madminton or go to a nice flea market type place without having to bundle up and pray I don't get frostbite.

nope, doesn't look like any of those topics are gonna come back to me. so I'll go now, since I've run out of random things to complain about. if I remember anything, I'll return.

~there are no swords in the preloader~

Monday, May 26, 2003
11:12 p.m.

this extended weekend was... well it was. I slept alot, and when I wasn't sleeping, I was with the family. be it just my mum, dad, and sister or the extended family unit. we had a picnic sunday at my aunt's house, though it was way too cold to stay outside for too long. my cousin and her boyfriend were there, so I spent alot of time being bitter. there's always been this sort of rivalry between us even though we used to be really close. and now she's got something I can't buy no matter how much money i save up. well, I prolly could, but it wouldn't be the same. when I wasn't being bitter I was being competative, since we played that game again. eh, I don't remember what it's called. oh, wait... catch phrase. that's it.

today my mum went to some concert. the whole family was supposed to go, but the weather was crap. so she went alone, and I felt bad. as usual. she is always having to go to things by herself since my dad usually backs out, and I feel really bad about it. but yeah. I dunno. it got the day off to a rather blah start. we went for a ride, which was good, but that was about it. everyone just seems to really be getting on each others' nerves today. I need to get out. but alas.

and I am so fricking sick of this weather. it is late may. it should not be pouring and 50 degrees outside. I should be wearing tank tops and being cold, not wearing sweatshirts and freezing to death. so uncool.

~it's the freakin' weekend~

Saturday, May 24, 2003
03:49 a.m.

well one of the bums came online. but we all ended up getting together anyway, so it doesn't really matter who was where. originally was gonna be a girls night, but it didn't happen that way. we met up with thor and vyler at denny's. no paper was flung, strangely enough. then we stopped off at the grocery store for some hair products. the goal of the night - to spike vyler's hair. we had full kazoo accompaniment from vyler to just about every song on the radio. I will never hear "hero" quite the same way again...

anyway, we went to steve's house. steve was not there. no-one was there. we went in anyway and started in on poor vyler's hair. it took three of us, but we got it to sort of work. let me just say, for the record, he has the most amazingly defiant hair I have ever met. we used hair glue and sculpting gunk and still the battle ended in a draw. some bits were spike, others still curly. the rest of the guys arrived and taunted vyler about his new hair, so he had us wash it out. it looked fine, really. they don't know what they're talking about. I'd put up a pic or two, but I doubt he'd appreciate that.

we got locked in the shower room, which was interesting adn somewhat scary. aurora had to leave early cuz she has a silly curfew, but sere and I satyed on and observed the guys. very entertaining. we actually had a really good time. well, I did. I assume sere did too.

that all really should have gone on the lair, but no. I was the last person to write there and don't feel like posting twice in a row. so blah.

I cut my finger when I was out driving today. it is rather deep. it bled a rather lot. it stung when we washed vyler's hair. hehehehe, I burned him with hot water. it was an accident, I felt bad about it. the water wasn't really that hot, I dunno what his problem was. just cuz the water had been really cold then suddenly somewhat hot doesn't mean he has to scream like that...

I am so not tired now. that's just great. now I'll never get to sleep. oh well, I'll just read. yes. read. and eat peanut butter filled pretzels.

~random dead body search~

Friday, May 23, 2003
11:31 a.m.

hmm. I love the little lights in my keyboard that are supposed to indicate whether or not my num , caps, and scroll lock is on. what's so great about my lights is that they just randomly flicker on and off. regardless of the statis of my locks. it's like Christmas on my keyboard, all year long.

we started with linux in networking IV today. not much, just an overview on a version you can run off a disk. lemme just say that so far j'adore linux. the gui is lovely, and that is key to me. it is a shame there is hardly anything left to my harddrive or I'd have to do something with it. hmm, maybe I'll play around with the living room computer. then if I mess anything up, my files are still safe. yes... ::plots::

it's 11:30 am, and still I have little to no plans for this evening. this is because of my slacker friends, 60% of which decided not to show up online last night. and thus so far it is just sere and I tonite.

I remember once in sixth grade we were learning about graphs and surveys and percentages. we had to ask the entire class our little survey and make up a graoh and such. this one boy was asking our classmates who their favorite rapper was. but he had spelled it wrong and instead was asking who everyone's favorite raper was. the teacher was quite amused by this, as was the rest of the class when it was pointed out. I bet that boy gelt like a moron. dunno what made me think of that. random memories.

have I ever mentioned the unspoken (well I guess it's sorta spoken now) rivalry between the wendy's lady and I? most of the time when we go thru the window she has exact change ready for me before I get to the window. so I always try to give strange money combinations to throw her off. but it almost never works. obviously she is psychic. but anyway, today I had exact change. this was a very rare occasion indeed. I never have exact change. as we pulled up to the window, I was cackling to myself "ha ha, exact change! tske that, wendy's lady!" my mum laughed, this behavior has long ceased to frighten her. we pulled up to the window and my arch nemesis had no change ready - cuz I had exact change. as we pulled away, I said to my mum that I was probably the only person in the world with such a competition going on with a fast food worker. then thought of that movie "as good as it gets" which I just saw part of on tv this weekend. someday that will be me. with the obvious difference that I will be female. and have a few cats. but beyond that... tis a grim future indeed.

nergh. I am so tired (big suprise there), but I wanna stay awake to see if any of those bums come online so I can harass them about tonite. perhaps I'll jsut do the usual. put them on alert and turn up my volume. that way I'll wake up if anyone important comes on. but then again, I wanna play around a bit with linux. not to mention that I have about a million (okay 4) projects that I am supposed to be working on. it's funny, cuz when I have nothing to do I complain. and when I do have something to do, I don't do it and still complain of being bored. jsut can't win.

when I say projects, it has nothing to do with school. mostly things I am supposed to be making for other people, and a bit for my own personal enjoyment. but still.

I should go vacuum. my sister is getting all persnippity about me sleeping all day and not doing my chores. my parents seem quite content to let me drift about chore-lessly in a state of semi-consciousness, they think I need my sleep. but I am sick of hearing my sister complain. she can be highly irritating. I have plenty of people able to testify.

mmm, long blog entry... ::drools::

~is there any way that I can stay?~

Thursday, May 22, 2003
11:24 a.m.

oi, so very tired. and I will go to sleep, as soon as my dad comes back from the walk he went on. I need to tell him that the dog peed on the floor. all over. looks like she just kept walking. anyway...

we finished a three day review in networking IV today. generally I hate reviews, but this was different. we started completely from nothing, re-installing windows and all. and setting up our own network with our own users and everything. and we can change the desktops... it's all mine! mwahahahaha! I named all my users after the gundam wing boys. last time I used FF7. my instructor was just as entertained by the gundam boys as he was by the ff7 users. I simply adore that my anime and game references are not going to waste. whee! anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed this whole networking review (oh yeah, we weren't working with partners, either). I mean to the point that I had not wanted to leave class yesterday and had thought of my networking while at home. this is rather sad, I think. well not sad, but a new level on needing help-ness. wow, that is so not a word.

there was the cutest little green bug wandering around on my networking notebook in class today. it was so little and green and cute... I moved it to the table cuz I didn't want to squash it.

oh, dad's home. whee! sleep, here I come!

~oh no, not doom.~

Tuesday, May 20, 2003
02:23 a.m.

nergh. most everybody is having issues right now and there is nothing I can do to help any of it. nothing. and I'm not the best at comforting most people, either. ::feels unhelpful:: I'd like to go beat everyone who is making them upset. but I'd just be beating the same people, it seems.

grr. it's cuz people don't talk to each other. I like to get things out in the open and work them out rather that stewing over them and ruining things slowly. but that's just the kind of person I am. *sigh*

spent a third of the night w/ aurora and sere and thor, another third with just sere and thor, and the last third with thor and aurora. I've just been passed around. no-one knows quite what to do with me cuz I don't really fit anywhere. I tend to be like that pretty often.

bah.

~it was green last night.~

Saturday, May 17, 2003
02:22 a.m.

oi, I am so tired. if my spelling is even more off than usual, it is because I am nearly delirious with exhaustion. now you know.

thursday was ever bit as eventful as tuesday, maybe moreso. sere and I went to best buy and got the new sims expansion, which was actually out this time. we got lunch at chick fil a (or however you spell it), then went back to my house to work on a project. we called up aurora to come over, but she had to work. so we decided we'd get together when she got out of work until she had to go off with thor.

she came over and we watched some tv and harassed vyler. after aurora left, vyler joined us. it was funny, really, cuz we didn't actually expect he'd show but there he was. anyway, we watched some anime on cartoon network then decided we'd go out for food. I didn't get home til 3:30, even though I had to get up at 6:45 for school. didn't actually fall asleep until after 4:00. you do the math.

we were supposed to have a final today in networking III, since networking IV starts tuesday, but the instructor decided not to give us one, considering all the problems we had. this was very good for me, considering I was having difficulty staying upright in my chair, let alone attempt networking. after school I slept for a little while, about a half an hour. then sere and I went to the legendary turkey hill. stayed there for about two hours. yeah, two hours. {]: )

after dinner we (me, sere, aurora, and thor) went to see the new matrix movie. ::drools:: very good, very sexy movie. the action scenes are amazing, as is the whole dancing/sex scene in the cave. we went to the new theatre with the stadium seating, it was tres nifty. even though there were a ton of annoying loud people watching with us. the place was packed.

after the movie we met up with the rest of the guys. I was supposed to be observing a game, but we had to leave before they really even started to have aurora in by her curfew. silly curfew. I really need to get a job. end of story. then I can get my license and drive myself.

that brings us to now, when I should be sleeping but instead am writing this and IMing sere. I'm not ready to crash just yet, though my vision is starting to blur. it's a shame, really, but I have already decided that friends come first now that everyone is out of school and such. you only have so much time, ya know, so why not make the best of it. if that means cutting sleep out of the equation then so be it. I am taking bets how long it will be until I suffer some sort of breakdown if things continue the way they have been this week. hopefully it's a little while.

~they always find a way~

Wednesday, May 14, 2003
10:50 p.m.

I put up some new stuff in my deviantART gallery. some chibis I drew in networking III. the ones I was coloring yesterday. there will be an update at my actual website soon, since it is beginning to be rather outdated.

went job hunting with sere yesterday afternoon. we got nothing accomplished, but it was fun. we went looking for the new sims expansion pack, but they changed the release date on us. it was so terribly windy. we looked at laptops with insanely high volume settings. nearly got blown out of the aisle. found a nifty desk I want, and showed sere how cool I look in a big leather computer chair. I think she would agree when I say it is a crime for me not not to have one.

went to the art show with aurora in the evening. had mixed feelings about the art show. some of the stuff is really nifty, and I got to see a friend I haven't seen in a while and my art teacher, but it was so very very sad to be in there. it's hard to explain... I felt like I had never left, but at the same time I felt so completely disconnected. it was weird. adn very sad. and I got no closure. but I did get a sandtart-like cookies that aurora brought me from the art room (I couldn't bring myself to go in there).

after that I was all set to be depressed again, but it got better. so I'm not depressed and all is well, though I lack closure.

networking III... oh, where do I begin? this picture pretty much sums things up. and I was so tired I was getting silly and singing my computer problems at my poor instructor. I tend to get very silly when I am exhausted, and I also tend to get hyperactive. that's why most of my updates, if you'll notice, take place at night. I am unstoppable, I work on things til I just fall over. but yes, the only thing that got me thru class today was the coke that rosy thoughtfully brought in for me. when I take over the world, I will give her a nice sized country.

luckily I got a nap today, so I am not nearly so tired anymore. how long this will last is another matter completely, however, since I dunno if I'll get to nap tomorrow. ah well, I knew this was gonna be the schedule come summer. I'm just glad to finally have things to do.

~rock you like a hurricane~

Tuesday, May 13, 2003
10:59 a.m.

tastes like someone went overboard salting my fries. not that I am complaining, not at all.

computers weren't working again in networking III today. I got two pictures finished. as soon as I scan and color them I will put them up on my deviantART gallery. they're both chibi pics.

it looks very scary outside. there is this storm that has been hovering over us for a few days now, just waiting to wreak havoc. it is very windy, I fear a tornado. which is just great, since I am going out this afternoon. so my dog will be scared and I will be wondering if all my stuff has been blown away. nergh.

there is an art show tonite at my old high school. I really want to go for closure, but we shall see. oh, I'll go regardless, it is the closure that is iffy. *sigh*

I must go colour pics now before sere gets here. ta.

~can I borrow your satan for just a minute?~

Tuesday, May 13, 2003
01:05 a.m.

updated my deviantART site, for anyone who doesn't yet know. a bunch of pizel art and three character design pics.

I have a little bit more to rant about survivor, then I shall be quiet about it. she says she thinks she deserved to win cuz even though she had been really annoying, she learned alot of lessons. I learn lessons all the time, but I don't expect a million dollars for it!! it's just ridiculous!

okay, I'll be done with that now.

I heard them talking about dirty bombs on the radio. that term never ceases to make me laugh.

it has occured to me that blogs have really made people reveal alot more about themselves. I mean, there are still things I keep to myself and don' put in the blog cuz it's too personal, but not alot. people who read this blog know more about me then they would if we were just talking in conversation, I think. I dunno. jsut a random though.

another random thought? thor and I have the same orange eating behaviors. it is frightening.

la la la, I am quite bored. bye now.

~put up a parking lot~

Sunday, May 11, 2003
10:23 p.m.

yeah, survivor? absolute crap. that moron should not have won. this is the first survivor yet that I have completely and totally disagreed with the decision. in the others, there were people I liked better, but I understood why the person who won had won. but not this time. wait, that's not true. she won because somewhere along the way people got the misguided idea that she was attractive. she's not. and besides that, she did nothing to get where she was. at the end she pulled it together and managed to get immunity, but by that time she really didn't derserve it. and she still doesn't. it just makes me so very angry. matt so should have won. there's no two ways about it. he was strong, smart, honest... the list goes on. he had everything the ultimate survivor. so why didn't he win? it's just not right. there is no justice in the world.

...anyway. today there somehow ended up being a semi-family gathering at my house today. two sets of aunts and uncles showed up. we ended up getting sandwiched and pizza. and watching old home movies. these people I live with? they scare me alot. alot.

I was also at wal-mart today. in the fish tanks there was a fish eating a still alive goldfish. it had a big chunk out of it's back, but it was not bleeding. I am questioning how that works. why was that large bit of goldfish missing and still no blood coming out? and these are the things going on in my head. very scary.

I can't think of any of the multiple other things I wanted to say thanks to this massive upset in survivor. if I remember, I will be back.

~so many things I need~

Sunday, May 11, 2003
12:42 a.m.

still ant free. my parents bought me some ant traps which have been strategically placed under my desk. you know, I realized another reason I can't stand to have ants in my room. a long time ago I was real into those scary story type books. well, really I was looking fo rreal ghost stories, but those silly "stories to tell in the dark" type books were more readily available. anyway, in this one I read there was a story about this kid who got and ant farm for his birthday or something. I don't remember the details, but for some reason he became very resentful of this ant farm and killed all the ants. that night when he went to bed, ants came and killed him as revenge. I dunno. it sounds stupid, but I have weird associations. I'm not afraid ants are gonna come kill me in my sleep, it's just something my mind tends to bring up every time I kill an ant. or see one in my bedroom.

in the same book there was also a story about these people who moved into a new house. the previous occupants had simply disappeared. the boy who had moved into the house somehow figured out that the darkness in the house was alive and ate them, and managed to stay in the light from then on. then one night there was a thunderstorm and the lights went out and the family was never heard from again. that pops into my head randomly at night sometimes too.

but what does any of that really have to do with anything? nothing, that's what.

friday I ended up just going over to aurora's house. eventually there will be stuff up about it in the secret lair, but God only knows how long that will be.

I have the beginnings of a headache. must drink more coke. here, have a quiz:

How Emotional Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I suppose that could be true.

~rain that tastes like wine~

Friday, May 9, 2003
11:06 a.m.

the ants remain gone, except for two stragglers I smashed when I turned on MERT a few minutes ago. ::huggles windex:: my hero!

nothing wnated ot work correctly in class today, though for once it was not the fault of my group. see, you'd think we had so many problems because my group doesn't generally know what it is doing. this is not the case. my case does, indeed, usually have very little idea what we are doing, but we almost always manage to get things done right. it's just our set of computers that doesn't work. really. the instructor has verified this. but in any case, the problems had nothing to do with me today, so I got some drawing done. drew up a sketch of chibi me & sere that I've been meaning to do since Christmas break. and a few pixel art things. shame they are at school and thus unusable. oh well.

my mum was amused for some reason that when my instructor asked where I had been yesterday I simply told him I had needed a vacation day and had been sleeping. I don't know what is so amusing about that, he asked and I told him. no reason to make up a story about being sick. they're my excused absences to use as I feel fit. and I felt fit to sleep.

speaking of sleep, I wish I was right now. but the pull of food is too strong. I got a frosty today instead of a coke, at wendy's. so tasty. not very easy to drink though.

this morning on the news on the radio, it was announced that there is a band of gypsies in the area. I am highly amused by this. not only that there is a band of gypsies in the area, but that it is big enough news to put on the, well, news. the morning show guys also seemed to find it very funny, as they were playing gypsy-themed music all morning.

my mum was not pleased that I had put all my ant-infested belongings on the kitchen table. looking back, it was not a particularly intelligen tplace to put them, but I wasn't thinking all that clearly. I jsut wanted them out. oh well. my stuff is now ant free, as is the kitchen. but I don't trust it to stay that way. it is time to buy some ant traps. expensive ones.

I am so very tired. I'm debating whether or not I should vacuum before I nap. if I don't, I will have to leave a note for my dad telling him I will do it when I get up. he will do it himself, of course, but at least I tried. *sigh* no, I will just do it now.

~patiently, I wait for you there~

Friday, May 9, 2003
02:09 a.m.

too many to kill by hand this time. had to wake my mum. she smote them with windex. I am now thusly armed. I do not understand where they are coming from. I hate this! how can I sleep in here? one of my biggest fears is having bugs on me while I sleep. I can't stand them on me when I'm awake, either, bt at when I am awake I can remove them. when I am asleep they can just crawl all over me, completely unchecked. ::shudders:: and that whole average number of spiders eaten in your sleep thing only has made this fear worse. I do a nightly spider check.

another friday, no plans. ::is not suprised:: I have a mother-daughter banquet to go to with my mum, but that's only til 8:30. after that, who knows. I can think of some things I'd like to do, but alas. only time will tell.

my sister made me a copper dinosaur sculpture for my birthday. it is sitting on my desk. I love it. if it were less...stick shaped I would hug it. she gave me this a few days ago, monday, actually. I just remembered to mention it now, is all. eventually I will take a picture of it and post it somewhere. eventually.

~I'll turn and I'll see you~

Friday, May 9, 2003
01:50 a.m.

I never did get the vacuum run before my dad got home. ah well. the more I think about it, the more I get annoyed about not haviing a summer vacation. I was angry to begin with, but it is just getting worse. nergh. the injustice. I am still attempting to think of a way to get myself out of it. perhaps if I cut of a limb and need to be hospitalized. but then I'd be stuck in the hospital... maybe a slight nervous breakdown. take the summer off to recooperate. hmm.

there were ants in my room this evening. the stack of papers (which is very neat and organized, not at all the kind of thing to draw ants) was swarming with them. I shook them all out onto the floor and smashed them one by one. un-necessarily time consuming, yes. but it made me feel better about the whole situation to take them out that way. then, of course, I had to vacuum up all the ant carcasses... does something that small even count as a carcass? it diesn't matter. they are gone now.

my mum took me driving today. I drove all over the place, on roads I've never driven on before. it was good. I went fast. and didn't kill anyone or crash into anything. almost hit a guy, but he should have been watching where he was walking. I need to make a cd of driving music - songs from GTA. that would amuse me greatly.

I still feel itchy think of the ants. wait, they're back! AARRGHH!!! gotta go, must kill.

~spinning chicken carcasses make my mouth water~

Thursday, May 8, 2003
02:18 p.m.

*yawn* I just woke up. stayed home from school today cuz I was really really tired and really really running late. I was hoping to fix my whole sleep schedual problem, but I bet I've only made it worse. ah well.

I got a 99% on my midterm, by the way. I am slightly disappointed in myself, I could have done better.

huggles to sere for my birthday gifts - tres nifty. she and I did some running around yesterday. it is good. feels just like the good old days, by which I mean last year. check out the numerology reading I gave her on her blog.

I should go now, I gotta get real clothes on and vacuum befor emy dad gets home, lest everyone know what a bum I really am. here, have a quiz:

Are you Random, Psycho, Hyper , Blah, Strange or Off?
brought to you by Quizilla

...yup. okay. bye now.

~how long will I be waiting? until the end of time.~

Tuesday, May 6, 2003
11:14 p.m.

I am quite tired. got very very little sleep last night - less than 3 hours. dunno why, can't for the life of me remember doing anything of importance after 2:00. hmm.

I have a test in networking III tomorrow. I should be looking over my notes, but I am not. I found myself, today, getting very excited about routing. actually routing extra computers. for fun. I think I have developed a new mental problem.

I'd like to say something about pants. low-rise pants in particular. they are getting so low that eventually they will just be selling pant legs. now this isn't always a bad thing. I adore low-rise jeans. they are all I wear. got a new pair recently that are so low they are bordering on inwearable. and that is good. but I think there should be a size limit on them. cuz otherwise they are exposing all manners of fat rolls I didn't need to know existed.

am happy to announce that I had three lucid dreams today, which was good. I hadn't for a while and was afraid I had broken my brain. but no, all is well after all.

saw my first country time commercial of the season yesterday. I dunno if this is a big deal to most people, but to me country time beverage mix commercials mean summer to me. and the rest of my family. it may be just us, who knows. but it made me happy, cuz I love those commercials. they are jsut so summery. and country. makes me think of my childhood, even though we lived in the city.

speaking of commercials, I love the saturn commercial where people are driving boxes around instead of cars. the background music just makes me so...happy. saturn commercials are the best. good thing I'm getting one, when and if I ever get a job...