version 6.1
the
archives
| what: | Pirates! | |
| why: | why not?
"Pirates of the Caribbean" was an awesome movie, and I have
always want to be a pirate... I am pretty happy with the way
this turned out, though I think I could have done better if I wasn't
so lazy.
the overall look of this layout was blatantly stolen from the official "pirates of the caribbean" site. if you've been there, you may recognize some of the graphics I have used. I am a terrible, awful person for stealing these things, and deserve to be killed for it. but I am not direct linking and I am not claiming they are mine, so hopefully I can avoid a lawsuit. |
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Me
| name: | Kyra / The Empress | |
| age: | 19 | |
| birthday: | april 3rd | |
| location: | pa | |
| personal site: |
the fortress | |
| devART site: |
my deviantART | |
| email: | REO16 @ aol . com |
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Current
| wallpaper: | senior collage 02 | |
| game: | onimusha, FF8 | |
| project(s): | burning cds, drawing, working on various webpages, finding a job, enjoying the summer | |
| book: | need one... | |
| song(s): |
the scientist - coldplay faint - linkin park are you happy now - michelle branch rest in pieces - saliva hit the floor - linkin park |
|
| het: | quistis / seifer | |
| yaoi: | sam / frodo | |
| loves: | this summer | |
| hates: | less than a month left | |
| wants: | new computer with 200 GB hard drive |
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Links
| blogs: | the
silver lining desert palace the secret lair shy pudding |
|
| web comics: | MegaTokyo Penny Arcade Real Life Sluggy Freelance RPG World Strings of Fate Angel Moxie |
|
| other: | CNN cockeyed.com deviantART Fantasy Art of Elfwood Homestar Runner Horoscopes Internet Bumper Stickers PITAS.COM Something Awful |
|
| cliques: | mine :: sephiroth's coat |
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...any hole... wow, this has been quite an amusing evening to say the very least. it all started with the sacmaster being deliriously tired, floating even, and escalated (wow, that word so doesn't look right, but it is. I checked dictionary.com) from there. dustin had the quote of the night, which I would post here if I could remember his exact wording... wait... it was something to the affect of "I'll fuck you so fast. any hole you leave open, I'll find." said to johnny le. so yeah, that was good. combined with steve flapping his arms as though trying to take flight, this statement almost killed me. then came talk of contingents of amphibious, gun-toting, pepsi dispensing, rusty nail equiped wheat threshers. yeah. and some of them fly, even. right. and we had wings, too. which is always good. no car accidents either, which is also good. ...cursed on Tuesday, October 7, 2003 at 03:53 a.m.. brr... it is very cold. it has been for most of the week. I do not understand this as last saturday it was very hot. strange weather. spent the day shopping with my mum and my sister on what we like to call a "girls' day out". they are very delicate, these outings, and can erupt into ungoodness very quickly. some trips everything goes fine. today was not one of those trips. we went out with clear intentions, which I think is the biggest mistake. if we set out intent on doing something it rarely gets done and everyone usually ends up in a bad mood. today we went out to get my sister a dress for the homecoming dance and to get me a checking account. we got the dress, we did not get a checking account. almost the entire trip was spent in one store looking for dresses. at first I was fine with this, as I kept grabbing random things to try on as well. but eventually it got old. during the time we were in that particular store, she tried on the same dress 3 times. she had to keep getting back into it to compare it with other dresses she tried on. and she didn't even end up getting it. she did purchase a dress there, however. by the time we got to the mall the bank was closed. I stopped speaking to my sister at all, which was probably for the best. she then went on to two other stores to try on more dresses. this boggled my mind, and still does, seeing as she already had bought a dress. we left the mall haivng accomplished nothing. grr. I suppose the unfortunate mood of this trip was partially my fault, since after about the first hour of watching my sister try on dresses that were too fancy anyways I began purposefully making a nuisance of myself. I can help it, I was really bored. but I wouldn't have been forced to behave in such a manner if she owuldn't have taken so long. when I was in high school, on the rare occurance that I would go to a dance, I would go out dress shopping about two hours before the dance (this is mostly because up until that point I was decidely not going ot the dance. it took the constant harassment of friends to get me out to those functions). I would find the perfect dress in about ten minutes and still have time for a soft pretzel. this is the way it should be done. not spending multiple weekends a month before the dance. that is craziness. but it is over now and I am getting my checking account tomorrow. well later today, I suppose. the 5th. yeah. and the ps2 is back in my room, which saves me quite a bit of money. w00t. hey look, a quiz:  You are Etna! The former Overlord extended his hand to you when you needed it the most, and ever since you have been loyal to him. You promised to help Laharl become a great Overlord, but you promptly lost your memories, and betrayed his trust. Which Disgaea Hour of Darkness character are you? (Pics!) brought to you by Quizilla and yet another advent children link. lots of info and pics. and a trailer (which I have yet to download). ...cursed on Sunday, October 5, 2003 at 01:52 a.m.. twang I didn't end up going to work yesterday. but instead of doing something productive, I slept all day. who didn't see that one coming? but there is good news. I re-did the icons that did not meet my standards today in access 2000 class, so they should be up in no time. I wanna run them by a few people first, see what they think. but since no-one is on right now, I will have to wait for that. my mum cleaned out my mouse anda I am ever so happy. it is scrolling along so smoothly now. it made me think of middle school. stealing mouse balls from the comp labs was the in thing to do. at the end of te class, you had to flip your mouse over and you weren't dismissed until the teacher noted that all balls were still in place. strange, ne? while watching the guys role play last night and I got to thinking that it has to be somehow dorkier (or at least as dorky) to sit around watching other people role play than to actually role play yourself. I mean, come on. I've got nothing better to do than watch a group of people sit around pretending to be other people? but really, I do quite enjoy it. it's like watching a TV show. well, when they actually role play it is. for the most part they argue and make gay jokes. but that is fun to watch in itself. ...cursed on Friday, October 3, 2003 at 10:50 a.m.. oww. I was so in a car accident last night. with johnny le. I was gonna write a whole detailed report of it, but I am far too tired and aching to be bothered with it right now. besides, I'm sure most of you have hear the story already. and if you haven't, I am sure you will. I do hope to get a photo of the guardrail that we demolished, though. that thing is so bent and out of the ground... in other news, I have once again been productive at school. I finished the rest of the shy pudding icons, though I have now decided (a full 20 minutes after making them) that they have some flaws that need to be tweeked out. that should not take long. if I don't have to work today I will fix them up this afternoon. if I do have to work, it might be a bit longer than that. but sometime tonite, with any luck. I'll put a post in the shy pudding blog. bye for now. ...cursed on Thursday, October 2, 2003 at 10:56 a.m.. advent children Oh MY GOD!! here, I think this is as close to an official page as there is. ::drools:: ...cursed on Wednesday, October 1, 2003 at 05:03 p.m.. phew. what a weekend and two days it has been. so many stories, so much fun. sere tricked me good, that's for sure. I had thought maybe she was home when I saw she was not online, but on the phone she efficiently convinced me that she was indeed in her dorm. then she knocked on the door and I tried to kill her. but it was a happy sort of killing. and things just continued right on the way they had left off in august. it was the most amazing thing, really. I would have expected some degree of weirdness or treating her like a foreign visitor, but this was not the case. it was as if the month apart had never happened. everything was just the same. I said to sere that this had to mean something, the way everyone could just start right back up even after such a prolonged absence. and she said yeah, it did. it meant that this was real. the group dynamics still hold, no matter what. and nothing has ever made me so happy. I ended up going back with sere to pittsburgh. she didn't want to drive all that way alone and I didn't want her too either. so I went and got my photo ID (there's a whole 'nother long and involved and rather amusing story behind that one, but everyone has heard is) and went along. we had quite a car ride, what with sere's arms disappearing and all... I really like pittsburgh, from what I've seen of it. but I do like cities. her dorm is nice, as are her friends there. and her new house... wow. yeah, can't wait to spend new year's there. oi, we were so tired. leaving was very sad, but it was not nearly as bad as when she left in august. because I have seen, now, that nothing really has to change. sure it's not summer anymore, and sure it takes a little more planning for us all to get together. but in the end, things are the same. and that is all that matters. ...cursed on Tuesday, September 30, 2003 at 04:42 p.m.. sere is home, and a very good liar squee!! ...cursed on Saturday, September 27, 2003 at 04:29 a.m.. add on oh, a few things i forgot to metion... there's some new stuff up at my deviantART site, for those who have not yet seen it. a pic of my character and sere's character vrom V:tM and a reflection pic. and to go along with sere's entry for today, yes, that was a rather entertaining conversation. it would be an interesting commune, you have to admit. {]; ) ...cursed on Sunday, September 21, 2003 at 10:31 p.m.. I know... I can't get them out of there sorry for the lack of entries. I sorta kinda almost have been busy. well, I've been out and about at least. went to see underworld on friday, that was simply excellent. very sexy. you can't lose with vampires in long leather coats. it's just not possible. ::drools:: after that we all went back to vyler's house where the guys role-played and I watched. sere called, which was nice, but it would have been better had she actually been there (let me say for the record that I have much hate for that so called hurricane that supposedly went thru here on thursday. twas nothing but a bit of wind. much hate). last night I went with sacmaster steve and dewerni to see pirates of the caribbean, since they had never seen it and I can't possibly see it enough. then we again went back to vyler's where the guys were supposed to role-play again. but alas, the DM was a no-show. silly thor. we almost got to ketchup a car, but it was not to be. my condiments (I don't know if this is spelled right and dictionary.com is not working for me...)must wait until another day. my fish ate another pellet today. it was a small one, perhaps he can only eat small pellets. I shall have to go to the store and find smaller ones. oh, oh! and I am pleased to announce that I am writing this entry thru my very own DSL!!!! whee!!! ::does the "I have DSL" dance:: ...cursed on Sunday, September 21, 2003 at 10:16 p.m.. sapling went for wings tonite. that was good. so nice to see everyone. I need to drive so I can get out more. wings are so good, as are friends and outings with said friends. I played mech assault (or is that supposed to be one word...), which was fun. but I just can't get used to the controller. meh, I don't have an xbox anyway. candice was there, who I haven't seen for a while. that was nice too. my fish ate today, or so claims my sister. this is good. he really does have mad regeneration skillz it would seem. but I am not saying anything positive yet, not until he is eating like normal. my dsl modem came today. I was all happy until I remembered that they are not activating my account until the 23rd. oh the unfairness of it all. so my modem sits on the floor beside my chair all useless-like. so sad. only five days left, though. five days. ohhh, animated clerks... ...cursed on Thursday, September 18, 2003 at 01:53 a.m.. ::stares hopefully at buddy list:: *sigh* no-one is online tonite and I am very lonely. my fish is still quite alive in spite of having not eaten in quite a while. hopefully he will cease this foolishness and just eat some pellets soon. it would be kind of silly to live thru having a hole in your head only to die of starvation... there are some new pics up at my deviantART site, if you haven't already seen them. I finally signed up for dsl from verizon. ::dances:: I should have it by mid next week. I cannot wait. now all I need is to get a new computer... from what I understand, we are supposed to be getting a hurricane towards the end of this week. marvelous, I love a good hurricane. <--not sarcasm it is far too early for me to be this bored. oi. I really don't want to have to go to bed yet. ::cries:: ...cursed on Tuesday, September 16, 2003 at 12:43 a.m.. mad regeneration skillz nothing of interest happened to day except that we went for a family car ride, so I will talk about the current state of my fish. WARNING: the following paragraphs contain description of some very nasty fish ailments. read at your own risk. see, if you only saw him from the unaffected side,you wouldn't think there was anything wrong. he's still active, swimming around his little tank. but when he turns around, you see that half his head is missing. it's the most disgusting thing, really. and amazing. very amazing. you wouldn't expect something to be able to look like that and still be alive. it's so bizarre. I'd almost expect him to be able to pull thru this if not one thing. whenever he tries to eat, the food comes right back out the hole. not to mention how difficult it is for him to even get the food in his moutn when half his upper lip is gone and he only has one functioning eye. but time will tell, I suppose. ::crosses fingers:: but like I was just telling steve, this whole half a head thing has me wondering about some things. well two actually. first off, where is his skull? fish do have skulls, right? I think they do. so where is it? cuz his head is quite open, and I see no skull. I don't see alot of anything except pieces of fish head still attempting to cling on. so maybe whatever is wrong with him ate thru his skull as well. and if this is the case, it brings up the next object of my pondering: where is his brain? it makes you think, doesn't it? eww, I just went and looked at him some more. he was trying to eat again. I wonder if I can get some kind of feeding tube for him at the vet? but yeah, now he looks pretty nasty from the other side, too. I really don't see how he could possibly live thru this. how very, very sad. ::cries:: ...cursed on Saturday, September 13, 2003 at 01:10 a.m.. 2 years my intention was to write about 9-11 now, but first I must be sad about my fish. I woke up at 10:30 (pm) from my nap to find that my fish is looking much worse. his mouth has pretty much been eaten away. I am very upset. my sister is all like, "gee, I hope it doesn't hurt him..." well of course it hurts him. his mouth is nearly gone. you think that tickles? and there's not a thing I can do about it, either. not a thing. so anyway, 9-11. I was gonna write up what I was doing when it happened and all that crap. but I decided against it, even though I love retelling that story. everyone does, you might notice. you start talking about 9-11 and everyone has a story to tell. they can go on for hours about how they were washing dishes when they first heard about it on the radio and stuff like that. but I think that is really best left for actual conversation and not blogs. so instead I will write about how I feel/felt about it. cuz it affected everyone differently, really. some people (like my mum) were all upset about the people who had lost family members. some people (like my dad) were angry that "those bastards" destroyed the NY skyline. for me, it really just put things in perspective. at the time we were in the process of moving. or so we liked to think. see, the people who wanted to buy our house had multiple problems getting a loan, finding money, settling on a date. we were supposed to have had settlement about four times and had been living out of boxes for a month. seriously. all our food was in boxes, all our clothes were in boxes, I had to unpack my computer... yeah, it was bad. so in my very small world, this was the worst thing imaginable. then 9-11 happened. the first thing that came to my mind after thoughts if how we were all going to die was that not moving was really not that big a deal. there were far worse things, such as being blown up at work by an airplane. it also showed me alot about people. I was surprised by the way people reacted, what with niceness and patriotism. the niceness still continues to astound me at times, but the patriotism bothers me a little. where were all these American flags and bumper stickers and whatnot before 9-11? no-one cared at all about our country, and if you did you were looked at kind of oddly. that kind of silly patriotic behavior was only acceptable on designated holidays. and then the "attack on America" happened. then everyone wanted to act as if being an American had always been the most important thing to them in the world. and if anyone didn't feel the same way, they were obviously terrorists and should be treated as such. this patriotism hangs around. it fades for a while, and then something will happen to remind everyone of 9-11 and that they love their country and it will pop up again. talk about insta-fans. but then there is the last factor, too. it really kinda showed me how unpredicatble life is. I'm sure that when the family members of those killed in the attacks said good-bye to their loved ones that morning this sort of event was the furthest thing from their minds. how were they to know that it would be the last time they would see their mother/father/sister/brother/husband/wife/son/daughter/ alive? what it said was that you could lose the people you care about any moment. I think this is what affected me the most, as selfish as it may seem. I was most upset by the thought of losing my loved ones without a single warning. there are so many things you put off, saying you'll do it some other time, you'll say it some other time. but some other time may never come. and that is a very very upsetting thought. this is why I cried. because of all those missed moments that you can never ever get back. I would like to say that because of this I do live every day to its fullest, that I never hold back or put things off. but this is not the case, for it is not my way. but I do think about it alot, and I'd like to think that it changed me a little bit, that I am just the slightest bit more up front about things. well, some things anyway. then there is sere's latest entry. it never ceases to amaz me how similar our thinking patterns are. for mostly today I was thinking about how things change as well. I was thinking that if I went to me on this date two years ago and told me about now, I would not believe most of it. I would wonder what kind of drugs future me was on. I think this is why it feels, to me at least, that it has been alot longer than two years. so much has happened since then, so many things are different. it is amazing, and all within the course of two years. God only knows what the next two will bring. hopefully more of this summer... but going back to talking to past me, I would like to have a serious talk with 9-10 grade kyra. what an idiot she was. maybe I'd kick her a few times for good measure. I think I would not go to see me under the age of 9. I'd be far too disappointed with myself. I expected alot from my teenage years. important things like driving, having a boyfriend, having a perm, and having big boobs. obviously none of these very important things are anywhere near my actual life. but it's best not to shatter the dreams of small children, especially if those small children are you. ...cursed on Thursday, September 11, 2003 at 11:53 p.m.. from class okay, well, it looks like I have an opportunity to update after all. marvelous. last night was cool cuz we ended up going for wings, finally, after two weeks. there was almost a mass murder, though, because for a while we thought we were not going to get our wings for yet another week. see, there is a big race this weekend up at the place where we go for wings (gee, why am I retelling this story? most anyone who reads this was there or has already heard the story... oh well). so they did not have their usual wednesday special, instead they had what we took to calling "outsider" menus. in other words, everything was overpriced. but we did not realize the wing special was not on for this week. we sat waiting to be waited on for 45 minutes just imagining how good our wings would be. well when the waitress finally comes over to us, she nonchalantly says "you guys do know there aren't any wings this week, right?" needless to say, our response to this news was not pleasant. there was shouting and crying and banging of heads against the table. we said we would need a minute and the waitress left us again. we looked over the menus and noticed that wings were listed as an appetizer. this lead us to wonder whether there were no wings at all or just no $.20 wings. but none-the-less, we all planned our non-wing orders. so the waitress comes back again. half the table orders, then someone asks about the appetizer wings. sure, she says, you can have those wings. they are just more expensive. we are all thrilled and begin to order again. magical mike starts to order some parm peppercorn wings when yet again our plans are thwarted. well that particular flavor is not on the menu, as is the case with most of our favorite flavors. the waitress goes off yet again to see if something can't be done about this problem. she comes back to tell us that we can have 120 plain wings with sauce on the side for us all to split. this is not at all satisfactory for some reason or another. we start to get upset again, but then are told we can still individually have the flavors on the menu. so we start to order again. by the time the ordering had gotten around to my side of the table our waitres rephrased what she had said earlier, telling us we could each get plain wings with our choice of sauce on the side. it occurs to everyone that this is pretty much the same as having our favorite wings, we just have to pour the sauce ourselves. so I got my parm peppercorn wings after all, and all was right with the world. after wings we went back to sacmaster steve's house. the guys played d&d and I watched. if you have an active imagination like mine, listening to them role-play can be as good as watching tv or reading. I just need to get a better feel for what everyones' characters look like so I am painting a more accurate mental image. I was reminded of just how very amusing my friends really are. there was alot more idiocy going on than role-playing, but that is what makes it funny. it reminded me how much I miss the summer. but alas. quote of last night --> "it tastes good in my mouth." - vyler, commenting on a flavored cigar. my fish still wasn't dead when I left for school this morning, though I still don't think he has eaten anything. he looked the same as he did last night, which was the same as he looked yesterday afternoon. which is to say he has gotten neither better nor worse. I suppose this is both good and bad. I do wish he would eat. I am very hungry. I was so busy telling my mum about the wing incident on the way to school that I didn't get ot eat my breakfast (aka cookies). or drink my tea. ::dies of starvation:: ...cursed on Thursday, September 11, 2003 at 09:54 a.m.. would you look at that... ...it's september 11th. wow. two years. amazing. there will prolly be more on that, too. but not right now. now is for bed. ...cursed on Thursday, September 11, 2003 at 03:32 a.m.. unsurprised I had planned on writing an entry on the evening, but I am far too tired. it was entertaining, though. I know, I'll make a more in depth entry in html class tomorrow, if I get the chance. which means if we have a period in class where everyone is typing. there was no such period on tuesday, but we shall see. cuz it would be rather suspicious if I am banging away at my keyboard during a lecture, don't you think? my fish looks about the same. but at least he is not dead quite yet. that is good. however, he still has not eaten. that is bad. if the fungus doesn't kill him, his obvious anorexia will... gah. silly fish. I should go to bed now, I might still be able to get 3 hours of sleep. that's not too bad. ...cursed on Thursday, September 11, 2003 at 03:18 a.m.. ::sniff:: my fish is sick. it just showed up this afternoon, supposedly it is some sort of fungal infection. I bought him medicine that turned his water a very pretty shade of aqua, but I do not know how well it will work. I am very sad. my dad said it would have been cheaper to buy a few more fish rather than the medicine, that was very mean. I do not want my fish to die. I am actually rather attached to him. he is the one I bought on my birthday, perhaps you remember? I talked to sere on the phone earlier, that was nice. my sister did not want to give up the phone line, though. no-one is on the internet and I am lonely. lonely and missing the summer. finally I have gotten the last two songs I needed for the cd I am making. it is a cd about the end of the summer, but also about the tone of the beginning of the summer and of the summer as a whole. the songs are not necessarily songs that were popular or we played alot, but songs with lyrics that sound as though they were written for us. you know, like the ones I posted few weeks ago. the cd itself makes me sad, but that's why I need to make it. don't ask, I have a very complicated mind. I am also very tired, as you may or may not be able to tell from my elementary school sentence structure. I think maybe I ought to go to bed. ...cursed on Wednesday, September 10, 2003 at 02:00 a.m.. html for dummies just back from my first html class. it's pretty boring, but at the end we are learning about casdcading tile sheets. I don't know cascading tile sheets. I want to. so I will sit thru this to get to them. they'd better be worth it. the class is full, which is both good and bad. good because alot of people are between me and my instructor finding out I am reading webcomics instead of listening. bad because I do not get to joke around with my usual two classmates. ah well. maybe it will thin out. I spent my time in class a) finishing going thru the mac hall archives (I have now read the entire thing and deem it entertaining. it will be entered on the growing list o comics in the side panel. thanks to steve for suggesting it), b) storyboarding my flash movie about ants (you know, the one I've been planning to work on the last...week), and c) staring blankly at the ceiling. the rest of the class learned how to create a shortcut on the desktop, open said shortcut, create the basic webpage, create a list, create a link, and make text bold, italic, or underlined. I was reminded of something, though, in one of the brief bits of attention I paid. I hate the header tags. I mean, how pointless are they? why not just make the font size bigger and bold it yourself? I don't know, maybe it's just me. the same goes for the strong and emphasize tags. why not just make it bold or italicized? it's just stupid. almost as stupid as the "insert" key. I mean, come on. who needs that key? all it does is mess you up when you are trying to correct something in the middle of a paragraph. we've all done it. you hit the accursed key accidentally instead of delete and then type up a new sentence or two in the middle of the rant you've been working on for half an hour. you read over it only to find that some of the best things you've ever written in your entire life have been eaten. grr. and while we're on it, the num lock. now, I understand that some people use the number pad for it's other functions, though I don't really understand why. all those secondary keys are elsewhere on the keyboard, why not just use them there (though I suppose the same could be said of the numbers...)? but why do some computers have to turn the num lock off every time it starts up or someone logs on? at school I always have to enter my password twice because the first time half the characters I type don't show up. my computer does not do this, thankfully enough. my num lock is always on. speaking of my computer, last night steve sent me the link to a computer test site. interested to see how MERT rated, I went there and had him checked. his score? a stunning 117 (as compared to steve's 980). yeah. they're advice? "The easiest and most cost effective solution is to buy a new hard drive." ouch. why not just shoot me in the head? it would be less painfull. on the way home, I saw a man walking. not an unusual thing to see in a city. but see, this man's shoes matched his shirt. I mean exactly. his burnt orange dress shirt was the exact same color as his burn orange work boots. you know, the ghetto kind (I will save my rant on how ghetto fashion is the most God-awful thing in the world for another day). I couldn't help but note the silliness. I mean, really. I can only assume this was purposeful, and if so, why in the world would you pay to get matching work boots? eww. my wanting to get a long leather coat the same color green as my doc martens makes sense. the work boots do not. I suppose that is enough for now, I'd like to try and sleep a little before work. ...cursed on Tuesday, September 9, 2003 at 10:51 a.m.. test results III You rule over Lothlorien, the land of the mysterious elves. You are subtley dominant andlike it tranquil, and would do anything to hold onto the things you've got. woohoo. Which Middle Earth City do you Rule? brought to you by Quizilla *****  Legolas is my fancy! What's your fancy? Click here and tell the world!  Elrond's my fancy! What's your fancy? Click here and tell the world! ***** hmph, these test images have completely killed the delicate line-up of tables on this page. but I am not going to bother fixing it, it was screwed when I put up all those preformatted song lyrics. so it goes. ...cursed on Tuesday, September 9, 2003 at 12:31 a.m.. test results: the sequel If I were a character in The Lord of the Rings, I would be Eowyn, Woman of Rohan, niece of King Theoden and sister of Eomer. In the movie, I am played by Zovakware Lord of the Rings Test with Perseus Web Survey Software
test results What LoTR Character Are You? - You are most like Aragorn. You have strong convictions and you stick to them. Although you are more of a recluse, you are extremely loyal to the few friends that you have. You are very serious about things, but you like having fun. Fame and fortune mean little to you, and you aren't concerned with being popular. Good for you! hmm, that's oddly true for the most part. not a similarity I would have seen, but hey... ...cursed on Monday, September 8, 2003 at 11:16 p.m.. keeping what you have eep, it's been quite a few days. again this was caused simply by sheer laziness. but I'm sure you've all grown used to that by now. haven't really been doing much of anything. photoshop hates me, as does my computer. steve is of the opinion that they are working together against me, and I feel inclined to agree. they are being rather obvious about it, it's not much of a conspiracy. got my first sizeable paycheck on friday, which I flashed at anyone who would look. mostly just my family and vyler, who was over to help my sister with her gameshark. then I got it cashed and was rich. well, rich to me anyway. I finally got to buy the Two Towers DVD. I've only watched half the movie (got interupted by dinner), but I did watch the sneek preview of RotK. oh, does it look good... ::drools:: I put up another pic at my deviantART site. it is a simple watercolor pic of ryoko from ages and ages ago. like, when tenchi was on cartoon network long ago. hmm, when was that... hmph, I don't really recall. I'll have to look that up. I start my html class tomorrow. *sigh* but hey, maybe I'll learn something new. that would be cool. I fell asleep this evening soon after dinner and slept until 9:30. I do not understand this, as I didn't get up until noon today. now sure, I didn't go to sleep until around 5, but still... I was not up all night on the internet for once. instead, I was reading. it's a pretty funny book, it's called sex, drugs, and cocoa puffs. it's not a story, it's more a series of essays. I don't agree with everything the author says, but the way he says it amuses me greatly. and that's really all that matters in life: my amusement. I discovered my book of lists under my bed the other day while trying to retreive my sister's drawing pencil. I love that book. it's not something I made up, it's an actual book. at the top of every page is a list title, such as "list the transitions in your life that taught you the most" and "list what you hear when you get very quiet". underneath is lots and lots of lines on which to make your list. brilliant! now I'm not really an impulse buyer, but I just had to pick up this book completely out of the blue. I was at barnes & noble sniffing the leather-bound notebooks (a favorite activity of mine) when I saw it and decided I had to have it. but it might just be me, I'm big on lists. ...cursed on Monday, September 8, 2003 at 10:50 p.m.. and I shall believe I am in much better spirits. I have been assured that wings did not happen, it was not a conspiracy to exclude me from plans. I really need to stop being so paranoid. but we already knew that. and maybe everything will work out after all. today was the last day of english. the final took me 10 minutes to complete, no lie. next up is html and access. but don't you already know html, you might be asking? yes, I do. and access. so basically I am gonna have fun internet browsing time. which is not a bad thing. I need to catch up on all the comics I have missed. cuz I don't like to wait for them to load over my dial-up, I usually look at them at school. I put up a pic of myself, my deviant ID, at my deviantART site. go look if you haven't yet, though I think I have sent just about everyone over there already. it's a cool pic, my sister took it. oh, yeah, that. my sister. she's feeling rather down cuz her page gets no hits. go look at it if you've got some free time, click on some of her pics. it will make her happy. and she's really pretty decent, for a younger sister. {]; ) almost got in a car accident today. some old people ran a stop sign as we were going past. if my mum wouldn't have swerved, they would have hit the passenger side door. which is where I happened to be sitting. and not wearing my seatbelt, if I might add. it's funny cuz my mum started freaking out and shaking adn saying how I could have been killed and the whole event didn't even get my heart rate up. I was just annoyed that my mum didn't get out of the car and yell at those idiots. but that was all. it just seems odd to me. I get my first nice sized paycheck tomorrow, as compared to my very small paycheck last week. w00t. I am so buying stuff. like the two towers DVD. ::drools:: ...cursed on Friday, September 5, 2003 at 02:54 a.m.. ...gives you the edge. did a speech on my report today. it went well, as I am very good at going on and on about things when stuck in front of a group of people. I got the whole class off topic for almost an hour talking about lucid dreams, psychic abilities, ghosts, and the like. in spite of this, I am still rather sad. see, it's wednesday. and since pretty much the beginning of the summer we've gone for wings on wednesday. well this is the first wednesday in forever that I have not been for wings (last week does not count since we went on monday). that combined with the fact that I have not been out of the house socially since last monday has me feeling kinda down. and I don't know if everyone else went and didn't bother to call me or if no-one went or what. I miss seeing everybody quite a bit. I guess this is what I get for becoming so attached. bah. ...cursed on Thursday, September 4, 2003 at 12:34 a.m.. smoked meat log talked to sere on the phone this evening. that was nice. my flash learning is going well, I actually made a movie with an actual plot (sort of). I just gotta figure out how to make them interactive and how to set sound to them. then the world will feel my wrath... mwahahahaha. I got my report done on time. early, actually. it turns out it wasn't due until tomorrow, but I handed it in today. almost double the recommended size. w00t. I finished the awesomest book the other day. it's called memory and it's by linda nagata. absolutely the best thing I have ever read. or at least on my list of best books ever. go read it. go read it now. oh, and people are stupid. I mean it. seriously unintelligent. ::shudder:: ...cursed on Tuesday, September 2, 2003 at 11:08 p.m.. we'll wake up hmm, it's been quite a while. don't know why, I haven't been busy or anything. except for work, but that doesn't interfere with my nightly internet time. let's chalk it up to laziness, shall we? I did get a bunch of books on flash at the library along with the lucid dreaming books I needed for my english report. so instead of making blog entries or working on said english report, I've been playing around with flash. it is going rather slow because as soon as I had the program loaded I promptly stopped paying attention to the books and decided to figure it out on my own. this is never a good idea, and has resulted in many strange animations. well, only two actually. and only the second one is strange, the first is almost normal. stupid, but normal. sere liked it, though. and that's all that matters. {]: ) yeah, I haven't been out of the house socially since monday. I'm still not going insane, which is good. prolly cuz oI have something to do in the afternoon. and that I get paid to distract myself is an added bonus. actually, the mindless repetition of work gives me alot of time to think. which isn't as bad as it could be. I'm actually coming to terms with alot of things, in my own way. now to set about resolving them... ...cursed on Monday, September 1, 2003 at 01:42 a.m.. but I want you to know... went out for the first time last night since sere left. I was tired enough to be in a very funny mood, so I wasn't a major downer to the group. that was good. magical mike and paranoia showed up to wisk me away. I had no idea I had missed everyone as much as I had. it seemed like forever sinceI had been out, after going every night for so long. I had a good time. it was weird, though. cuz there was so much that is the same, but so very much that is not. like being in the same old places, but with obvious differences. it will take some getting used to, I think. some things maybe can be fixed, but we shall have to see. I have to mention, though, what great friends I have. I can't wait til sere comes home for a visit, though, which will hopefully happen sometime in september. and as soon as I get a photo ID... ...cursed on Tuesday, August 26, 2003 at 10:47 p.m.. and which one is lying about it? argh, I was jsut listening to "the feel good revolution", one of the songs mentioned in the last post. clever, clever me. it hurts so much, still. I had to listen to it, to make new event sounds. cuz I made a new desktop - a collage of pics from this summer. so now I can be sad every time I turn my computer on or off. or look at the desktop. but there's just so much meaning in it all... that song still astounds me. it's like it was written for just for us. I just... wow. I should so go to bed. I have work tomorrow. yeah, I got a job. is everyone amazed? they should be. but I just got struck by inspiration for quite a few pictures... even more reason to go to bed, I suppose. better sleep before I feel the need to get them all done tonite. ...cursed on Monday, August 25, 2003 at 03:09 a.m.. some songs I found these songs that so sum up this summer that just reading the lyrics makes me cry on the spot. and I don't generally cry easy. the feel good revolution bright eyes Come by when you get off work I'll be sitting around doing nothing We can wait till the sun goes down Then we can drive off deep into the night I don't care where we're going As long as I'm going with you The summer swells in us With the heat comes a new kind of wanting Cool nights never cooled us off Lay around, wait for something to happen But, it's three lonely figures A bedroom, a basement, she's scared Which one is sleeping And which one is lying awake? Yeah, which one is sleeping And which one is lying about it? Afternoon drags on and on Movie nights that never end We can hang out all night long Lay in bed and talk to a good friend Cause you only get older and probably forget what it's like The university's quiet today We didn't clean, we just talked in the bathroom The girl always gets in the way Ruined friendships, but others replace them These opinions are poison I've been drinking them all of my life I could never replace you Could never forget what it's like Step out on a moonlit roof The radio leads a feel good revolution Cigarettes and my closest friends I tell myself that I have to remember this Remember this Tell myself that I've got to remember Tell myself that I've got to remember this To remember, to remember this ** Touch Bright Eyes Touch, lying on the floor Wishing this could last Knowing that it can’t Soon you will leave And I'll be on the floor Watching the TV Trying hard to find A reason to move I’m frozen in one place Staring at the screen Listening to the rain Falling on the street Some days go on too long To know, no one can hang out tonight Here, where the carpet's cool and soft Underneath the clock I feel my weary heart is put to rest You gather around your friends The connection that you feel When the night has not yet died You are new (And near now to someone) With a promise of a love (You used to love) you will probably never find (When you were young) (When all was gold and you two touched) A touch that you can really feel (And felt the flutter underneath your skin) The brokenness inside (You stood in glowing rooms) (The light dripping from both of you) As hope and less collide (And nothing since has felt as radiant or real) And nothing is real Love, there's nothing more I want Than just one night That’s free of doubt and sadness One night, one night, one night One night that I can really feel ** in this diary the ataris Here in this diary I write you visions of my summer It was the best I ever had There were choruses and sing alongs And that unspoken feeling of knowing That right now is all that matters All the nights we stayed up talking Listening to 80's songs And quoting lines from all those movies That we love It still brings a smile to my face I guess when it comes down to it Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up These are the best days of our lives The only thing that matters is just following your heart And eventually you'll finally get it right Breaking into hotel swimming pools And wreaking havoc on our world Hanging out at truck stops Just to pass the time The black tops singing me to sleep Lighting fireworks in parking lots Illuminate the blackest nights Cherry cokes under this moonlit summer sky 2015 Riverside, it's time to say goodbye Get on the bus, it's time to go Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up These are the best days of our lives The only thing that matters is just following your heart And eventually you'll finally get it right (Get it right) Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up These are the best days of our lives The only thing that matters is just following your heart And eventually you'll finally get it right wow, it really hurts alot. there will prolly be many more songs and song excerpts, cuz I tend to seek out what I am feeling in song form. but yeah, those songs say it all. all the memories, and the sheer greatness of the past couple of months. I can't believe it's all over. I just don't know what I'm gonna do now, not at all. it is very painful to know that, no matter what, things are not going to be the same. not at all, not ever. alot of the things I have become everyday routines may never be done again. I may never again wake up on sere's sofa at 2:00 in the afternoon, or go driving all over the county looking for legolas action figures and a working picture machine. or any number of other things. so very terrible. and no matter what, we can't go back. that hurts. and that this summer was so damn good, the greatest ever, makes it all the worse. I still can't decide which is worse - having had all the fun and having to leave it all behind or never having experienced it at all. I was thinking how I thought after graduation that I would never be as happy as I was in school. and then this summer came along. which would lead any normal person to think that no matter how bad things are, they will get better. but it made me think that things will always get worse. I mean, I thought that leaving school and all my friends would be the hardest thing ever. but no, this is far worse. I cna't bear to think what the next step will be. sere is planning to come home in september. we'll go to the ren faire, I think. I hope that weekend comes soon. and as soon as I have photo ID, I'll be going to impose on her. but at the rate I'm going, that could be a while. and then there's all the other crap that I am supposed to be dealing with. pfft. nothing good ever comes from the end of august. ...cursed on Saturday, August 23, 2003 at 09:52 p.m.. if you still care at all... wow. I was pretty on target, though not quite in the way I expected. about the something happening, that is. and remember what I said about everything hitting me all at once? yeah, that was pretty accurate too. I suppose some things I am glad to hear. geez. fuck. I dunno. I'll believe everything is fine when I see proof. and I'd advise anyone who doesn't know what I am talking about to not ask me. yeah... ...cursed on Thursday, August 21, 2003 at 04:28 a.m.. please don't tell me now it's been a while, but don't blame me. blame the thunderstorm that ate my modem. and before you think me retarded, my surge protedtor does not have a spot for the phone line to got thru. so ha. let's see... not alot has gone on, really. well, that's not true at all, but still. I don't feel like going in to it all. I feel like talking about what's going on in my head right now. first off, I am certain something terribly awful is gonna happen. there have been too many odd occurances, too may coincidents. I don't trust it. sere feels it too, and I think we may be convincing some others. maybe we're crazy, maybe it's the time of year. or maybe we're right. who knows. only time will tell, I suppose. but not even that, really. something could have happened and we could have prevented it. so we may never know. the only way we will know is if we are unsuccessful in preventing whatever it is that happens. and that would be very very unfortunate. the other main thing going on in my head is how very screwed I am. what with sere leaving and all. cuz the more I think about it, the more I know that the way things are going now will not continue. not even close, I'd be willing to bet. I hate to tell my parents, but I don't think the curfew they want to impose will be needed. cuz I doubt I'll ever be leaving the house again for social reasons. so not only will I be losing sere, but everyone else as well. it's a shame, really. it was a nice feeling, having friends, having some semblance of a life. was it worth feeling as awful as I will when it is all over? I dunno. cuz I'm feeling pretty crappy right now, and I still have a few days left. so yeah. the more I sit here, the more depressed I become. great. and I was in such a good mood earlier today. its' funny how fast things can go downhill. and for no apparent reason. ...cursed on Tuesday, August 19, 2003 at 02:45 a.m.. so tempting... oi, I am so tired. did I mention that my class is on the 4th floor? yeah, it is. and after my incident with getting trapped in the school's elevartor, I insist on using the stairs. you should have seen me trying to get up them this morning. the combination of tiredness and asthma is not a good one when trying to get up 4 flights of stairs. the whole class today consisted of going over a report we have to do by the end of the term. yes, 2.5 hours of going over a report. bah. I so wanted to cry. I already know what I am doing mine on. lucid dreaming. heck, I could prolly write it up right now without any sources. there's a test tomorrow, so I figure I should probably go in. maybe I'll take friday off. I could have a job at my mum's place of employment. nice amount of money to trim bits of string off things. 1 to 4 in the afternoon. eh, money is money. I think I'll go for it. I get horrid reception on my phone at my house. it is rather unfortunate. I was in a God-awful mood last night. got sad while we were out for food and then progressively more so. ya know, friend leaving, the utter pointlessness of life, that sort of thing. but the disco this afternoon made my sad go away. for now anyway. lol, the disco. sere knows what I mean... whee! we saw SWAT tonite, after wings. it was good, lots of action, good soundtrack. I should go to sleep now, since I have to be up in...2.5 hours. hehehehe, had to count that out. ...cursed on Thursday, August 14, 2003 at 04:21 a.m.. say the word so yeah, anyway... got about 1.5 hours of sleep last night. w00t. I am strangly alert for now, dunno how long it will last. we went out for chinese this afternoon, it was very tasty. I am still quite full. I love sweet & sour chicken. finally remembered to have the sauce. very good. went to barnes & noble about my application. somehow I doubt I'll get that job. but who knows. I love the store none-the-less. so many cool blank leather books. I like to go and just smell the leather. so good... I'm suprised they haven't thrown me out yet. there's alot of places I am suprised we haven't gotten thrown out of yet. like denny's... yeah. but going to b&n and seeing all the nifty blank books made me think of my dream book. I have not been writing in it nearly as much as I should be. bad kyra. speaking of which, I should probably try to get some sleep before going out tonite. there's a possibility of role-playing, so who knows what will go on. ...cursed on Tuesday, August 12, 2003 at 05:19 p.m.. swirm started new class today... oi. like many things, it is an insult to my intelligence. I don't have anything against the instructor, or my fellow students, or anything like that; I just don't think it is fair that I have to take it. I mean, come on. our homework tonite consists of finding the words that are spelled incorrectly in 6 sentences. easy enough on its own, yes? well, also, all the words we are supposed to find in the sentences are spelled correctly at the top of the page. so all we are doing, really, is finding the words in the sentence and writing them out. very difficult. and I have this suspicion we are going over it in class tomorrow. if anyone has them wrong... alot of the course is more talk of how important communication is in the workplace, much like my psych class was. I do not care! I do not want to work on my inter-personal relationships! I have heard enough about how I am supposed to fake social already! no more!! why in the name of God is it so important to be able to work on a "team"? can people no longer think on their own? well, obviously not. but I, however, do my best work when I am the only one doing it. another thing that bothers me is those "geting to know you" exercises. what would you like me to tell about myself. anything about me of importance cannot be said in a brief introduction. I don't have any impressive talents, I don't have a job, I don't have any children, I am not married, and I live at home. what is there to tell? I am a bum. loser. dork, even. there it is, in very few words. though I have to admit it does help you to understand where some of your classmates are coming from. not everyone, most of the time they are no more interesting than I am. but sometimes there are people with strange accents or clothes or behaviors or whatever. and you are thinking "what a weirdo". but it all makes much more sense when they have a chance to explain themselves. so only people who are out-of-the-ordinary should have to introduce themselves. two more things that bother me, and then I'll move on. there are people in my class who know each other from before. perhaps even before school. great. so quit whispering to each other. instructors who think they are pretty cool because they sometimes leave an answer or two to a test on the board. yes, you are such a rebel, giving us free test answers. why not just not give us a test at all? or give us all the answers. then we'd really like you. *note - I really have nothing against my current instructoe, she seems nice enough. I've had a number of instructors who do this.* I had more to say, but sere is here. I'll finish this later. ...cursed on Tuesday, August 12, 2003 at 11:21 a.m.. since I don't know when it's been a few days, sorry bout that. my mood is quite improved since the last entry. some things are straightening themselves out, some are unavoidable, and some I am not allowed ot interfere with. but everything is as good as can be expected. I'm sad that this is all going to be over in, like, two weeks, but at least I am able to keep myself busy enough to not think about it most of the time. I have to start new classes tomorrow. well, it's only one class really. english comp or some crap like that. now I'm gonna actually have to be on time or something cuz I don't know how strict my new instructor is. not like I plan to be there that much. maybe I can test out or something. meh. we got pizza last night. it was good. and watched clerks. it was also good, but that goes without saying. I think I want some froot loops now. ...cursed on Monday, August 11, 2003 at 06:14 p.m.. never really did stupid assholes who make my friend upset. I'd take them out, if given permission. but noooo..... anyway, yeah. it's been, like, almost two days, and my previous entry still pretty much sums up my feelings right now. unfortunatly. when you wish things would change they never do. well, there's been more added to the list of things angering me / making me upset, but that is not a change for the better. pfft. on to more pleasant topics... this role-playing game that we (we being sere and I) got into is really nifty. it's Vampire: The Masquerade. I play a character from the assamite clan, sere is from lasombra. and everyone else has characters, too, but I don't feel like listing them all here. maybe later on the shy pudding page once I have everyone's charaters drawn. I was, of course, volunteered to draw everyone. but I don't mind. I like it better this way, so I can really picture what is going on. but yeah, the game is awesome. can't wait to play some more, hopefully on saturday. I am very thirsty. and I have finals tomorrow. well, later today, really. I should probably sleep at some point... like now. ...cursed on Friday, August 8, 2003 at 02:57 a.m.. whatever. I am so tired. I have not been this tired in a long time. I don't know why I am so tired, I got more sleep the night before last than i usually do, adn last night was nothing out of the ordinary. perhaps it is the way the most stressful things in my life all seem to be compounding themselves into a big...bunch of things I don't feel like dealing with. great, let's hit me with everything all at once. the long-feared backlash. I knew things could not go so well all summer without killing me at the end. so here I am, I suppose, on the brink of things I dread. great. ...cursed on Wednesday, August 6, 2003 at 10:56 a.m.. swing random quote --> "what the hell is in my ass, then?!" ...cursed on Monday, August 4, 2003 at 02:56 a.m.. stay away from barbed wire just got back from the sacmaster's where we watched final destination 2. never saw the first one, but the second one was fantastic. so much nasty death. it was just as funny to watch sere as it was to watch the movie cuz she kept cringing and hiding her face. silly sere. I am now very much more paranoid than usual, just waiting for something to happen. hopefully nothing will. trying to install a program, gotta go. ...cursed on Monday, August 4, 2003 at 02:40 a.m.. maybe they were trying to kill me... ...with clubs and stuff. gotta love quotes off of COPS. I often wonder why any of these people sign the releases to be put on TV. they come off looking like such...losers. crazy, idiot losers. but in other news... I gots a cell phone!!! w00t!!! finally, I am cool. or something. lol but yeah, it's all nifty and flippy and colourful. and shiny. and vibrate-y. okay, I made that word up. but it is a cool phone. {]: D of course, now I am out quite a bit of money. I need to hit the bank tomorrow. I don't like to have less than $100 in my wallet at any given time. I do feel bad for my bank account, though. I really want that barnes & noble job. really I do. hmm, I could really go for a hot dog right now. how random is that? ...cursed on Sunday, August 3, 2003 at 09:26 p.m.. the love-bottle my father was playing jurassic park: rampage edition on the old genesis this morning. is it just me, or is that game comprised of scenes from the book that never made it to the movie? it seems to me that the third movie is the same way. change the characters a bit and just use the leftover scenes from the books. meh, whatever. as long as there are dinosaurs, I could care less where they get the plotline. I do love dinosaurs. I also love sharks. speaking of which, I think shark week starts soon. yes, august 10th. I am quite excited. real footage of an actual shark attack?! awesome! we have watched shark week at my house for as long as I can remember. it is a family tradition. sere and I beat the previous record for getting back to my house from the sacmaster's. but to avoid parents finding it and getting upset, I will not be posting the new time here. hmm, I am too distracted by the shark week page. gotta go. ...cursed on Saturday, August 2, 2003 at 02:34 p.m.. cargo fever ...strange old navy commercials. crap. I have promptly forgotten everything I wanted to write about. why must this always happen? I'm gonna have to take notes during the day as to what I want to mention. random quote -> "It's like charlie's angels gone horribly, horribly wrong." I woke up with the most God-awful headache this morning. I had a headache since yesterday, but it got at least 100 times worse while I was sleeping. but luckily the excedrin took it away. school was... school. we are doing these things that I just don't get the point of. it's basically just moving things around to make the main code area shorter. pointless waste of time, I think. la la la, trying to get my thoughts back... nope, not coming. maybe later. ...cursed on Friday, August 1, 2003 at 11:29 a.m.. pretend that I'm not I was just reading an article in the newspaper this morning about online journals and how dangerous they can be if the wrong people find them. people such as classmates or co-workers you may have bashed, or even friends who don't like the way things are worded. well let me tell you something. I have a right to my own opinions and feelings. if I need to rant about someone annoying at work (if I had a job, that is), then I'll be darned if I'm gonna refrain from putting it up here cuz it might hurt someone's feelings. hey, if it's gonna hurt you so much, then a) don't read it, or b) dont be an idiot!!! then I won't even have anything to be writing about you. and use some common sense people. it's the internet. if there's somethng you don't want people to see, let's not post it up on the internet where everyone in the entire world can find it. duh. honestly. and as far as my posting goes... I'm sure you've all seen entries missing some paragraphs cuz I got carried away and the content therein was not for posting. I dunno what one could find offensive or injuring of the stuff I leave on there, really. the only people I don't particularly want reading this blog is my family, immediate and extended, for various reasons. but I don't think I really have to worry about that, as most of the extended family can barely turn their computers on. and my immediate family just doesn't really care. I tell them everything that goes on in my life so as it is. they don't need to read about it yet. but now that that is out of the way... went role-playing at paranoia's last night. dude, I so love this it's not even funny. I didn't think it would be this much fun. but it is. and I like it alot. but I think I am becoming allergic to all cats and not just sere's. rather unfortunate. you know, it's funny the way things went and are going this summer. so different than what I expected, so very different. and the people. there are some friendships I hav enow that had you told me four months ago about them, she wouldn't have believed a word of it. and it's amazing the things that affect the way things go, it's just... wow. this paragraph is way to vague for it's own good, heck, even I'm not sure what I am talking about anymore. but that's okay. I'm sure I'll write up a bigger, less vague statement on this summer later, when this summer is actually over. we've still go almost a month left, and I'm gonna take what I can get from it. I was gonna put up song lyrics that really make me think of this summer, but I decided I'll wait until the full summer write-up. instead I'll include lyrics from a song vyler had on in the car last night that I really liked: Hit The Floor Linkin Park There were just too many times people have tried to look inside of me Wondering what I think of you and I protect you out of courtesy Too many times that I've held on when I needed to push away Afraid to say what was on my mind Afraid to say what I need to say Too many things that you say about me when I’m not around You think having the upper hand means you gotta keep putting me down But i've had too many stand-offs with you, its about as much as I can stand So I’ll wait until the upper hand is mine One minute your on top The next your not, watch it drop Making your heart stop Just before you hit the floor One minute your on top The next your not, missed your shot Making your heart stop You think you've won And then it's all gone So many people like me that put so much trust in all your lies So concerned of what you think, to just say what we feel inside So many people like me walk on eggshells all day long All I know is that all I want is to feel like i'm not stepped on There are so many things you say that make me feel you've cross the line What goes up will surely fall, and i'm counting down the time Cause i've had so many stand-offs with you, its about as much as I can stand So i'm waiting until the upper hand is mine One minute your on top The next your not, watch it drop Making your heart stop Just before you hit the floor One minute your on top The next your not, missed your shot Making your heart stop You think you've won And then it's all gone And then it’s all gone And then it’s all gone And then it’s all gone Now it’s all gone I know i'll never trust a single thing you say You knew your lies would divide us but you lied anyway And all the lies have got you floating up above us all But what goes up is got to fall One minute your on top The next your not, watch it drop Making your heart stop Just before you hit the floor One minute your on top The next your not, missed your shot Making your heart stop You think you've won And then it's all gone And then it’s all gone And then it’s all gone And then it’s all gone Now it’s all gone he frequently plays that cd in the car, but I don't think I'd ever heard this particular song before. I dunno, I just liked it. moving on... I should go now, I must vacuum and was the dishes, even though I'm not at home long enough to dirty the floor or the dishes. doesn't sound very fair to me... ...cursed on Thursday, July 31, 2003 at 01:14 p.m.. just like I should *yawn* I am very tired, it is later that I thought. I have to sleep on a wet pillow tonite. see, while I was away this evening, my mum stole the sheets off my bed to wash them. well, my bed was still without sheets when I got back. so I went to the basement to find them, and found eveything but my pillowcase. after repeatedly searching the basement three times, I found my pillowcase. still in the washing machine. and wet. so now I have to use a soggy pillowcase. cuz all the rest of my sheet sets are in my parents' closet, and I don't feel like digging around in there. I suppose I could sleep on a pillowcase-less pillow, but I think that would be equally unpleasant. there are finally new people renting the tiny house out my side bedroom window. well, a person. I saw him the other day while changing into my pajamas. by the window. with my blinds up. yeah. it was funny, really, cuz I am generally amused by changing in front of open windows. cuz there's the off chance that someone could be driving by and somehow get a glance in my window. so it was at least three times more entertaining to have someone actually walking by my window. it suprised me a bit, I have to say. but I did not draw the blinds. I continued on as usual. I do not think he noticed me, though. how utterly disappointing. the only reason I mention this new neighbor of mine is because his porch light is on. his porch happens to be right out my window. I have issues with, well alot of things, butI am refering to light when I am trying to sleep. it had better not affect my sleeping, or the neighbor and I will have words. either that or I'll dig out the old room-darkening shades. my eye itches something terrible. but not as bad as it did earlier. it seems I have developed an allergy to cats, or at least sere's cat. this is a fact which I refuse to come to terms with. I love cats, and plan to have a few of my own again someday. and I enjoy playing with sere's cat. however, playing with said cat causes me much discomfort. discomfort such as watery & itchy eyes, runny nose, much sneezing, some coughing... the list goes on. it is quite a shame. sere and I partially made up our characters for a role playing game we are going to be playing. I am quite looking forward to it, though I have no idea what I am suuposed to be doing. well, maybe a very vague idea... I suppose I will learn in time. I stepped on a toad at the sacmaster's house. but it did not die. it ran out from under me. I wasn't wearing shoes (duh). it felt very weird. I should sleep now. ...cursed on Tuesday, July 29, 2003 at 04:11 a.m.. hmm... there was a bunch of stuff I intended to write about last night, but I grew too tired and fell asleep. and now I can't remember any of it. cuz I am just that cool. I got a new pair of pants today, that's pretty nifty. we went to target, my mum, my sister, and I. it was funny, cuz there were four guys looking thru the jeans with us. they took the only pair in the size my sister wears and ended up buying them. overheard them in the dressing room, they really liked the flair and the low rise. it amused me greatly. I got to drive, too, so that was awesome. I filled out an application at barnes & noble. we'll see if anything comes of that. I really hope so, I would love to work there. if I have to work anywhere, that is. but I'm not counting on anything. wow, my family is watching some japanese game show. it looks pretty entertaining. they are scary, those japanese game shows. scary but funny. apparently I look good with a knife. better get knife shopping... la la la, I am quite bored. ...cursed on Thursday, July 31, 2003 at 08:31 p.m.. I sabotage myself here I am, back again to make entry. ended up going to the sacmaster's house. what a suprise. {]: ) on the way home, there was a family of racoons in the road. a parent and three little babies. they were so cute! luckily we, well sere was the one driving, saw their reflective eyes so we did not run them over. they blended w/ the road pretty well. my pants are getting a hole in them. not even on the knee, above it. silly pants. but my jeans get used heavily. I mean, I have four that I wear contiuously. that's alot of wear. I feel so disconnected it's not even funny. a combination of severe tiredness and a whole bunch of moods all coming at intervals. bad combo. if not for certain things, I would be in such utter dispair right now. it is kinda funny, really. well, in a twisted mocking sort of way. oh well. and people who keep tearing into you for no apparent reason are mean. dead to me!!!! another infamous family game night tomorrow. my sister is away, staying with a friend for the weekend. the house is quiet, and I get to play only child. people should not leave the microwave of defrost. I was trying to cook some cheesy potato balls (my newest snack of choice), but they just were not getting done. well obviously it helps to have the settings on "cook"! stupid microwave. even aftter I fixed the settings some still did not cook all the way. but I ceased caring and ate them anyway. I was hungry. it's funny cuz there's a diaryland ad at the bottom of this blog entry form. first of all, I keep thinking it says "dairyland", and that that is a pretty silly name for a blog, err FTOTITHSOI, site. secondly because this is a blog site. why advertise a competitor? but I guess they don't really make any money off of this site, so what difference does it make, really? none. so both of my reasons for amusment are pointless. what else is new... hmm, I think I am out of things to say for now. and i am really tired. really tired. so bye. ...cursed on Saturday, July 26, 2003 at 03:04 a.m.. testing testing... please let this show up in a normal fashion... ...cursed on Friday, July 25, 2003 at 05:48 p.m.. |
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